Purpose & Freedom: Finding Balance in Setting Goals for the New Year

I am totally a “goals” person. I love to think back on everything that happened in the last year, contemplate the lessons and blessings, and try to plan for the next year so I can live purposefully and not just “let life happen”. This year is a little different for me, though. This is the first year I get to set goals in freedom and peace, knowing I need to let go of control and trust God, and also realizing that no matter how I live the next year, I am loved and accepted by my Heavenly Father. This is the first year I get to dream and plan without the added pressure of thinking there is only one “best” way for me to do the next year, and instead realize that God sees my heart and will work everything out for the best (even if I totally mess it all up).

I believe there is a fine balance when it comes to New Year’s goals. Yes, we want to live with purpose. We want to seek God in prayer, asking Him to guide us in how we can make the best use of the time, and have dreams and a vision for the year ahead. At the same time, though, we want to live in the freedom and joy that Christ came to give us. We want to remember that no matter how we live the next year, God loves us, and nothing we do will change that. Doing everything well and accomplishing great things won’t make Him love us more, and messing up in big ways won’t make Him love us less. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, you already have the very best reputation with God possible, because He sees you through the redeeming blood of His Son. Our motivation for planning and setting goals shouldn’t be to impress God or to somehow earn His favor or love or pride; we already have all of that! Instead, our motivation should be to offer God a gift of praise and thanks with our lives, making the most of each day He gives us and treating them as a big “thank you” for all that He has done for us.
With that in mind, we can move ahead with some prompts to help us best process the last year, and move into the next one prepared and excited to see God move. Here are some of the things I am contemplating as I prepare to leave 2018 behind and enter 2019.

Thinking Back

1. What 3 words would I use to describe this last year? Why? This is just an easy way to try to break up the big task of processing an entire year! Sometimes I think we get so bogged down with the thought of thinking back over 12 whole months that it's hard to even get started. So, just try to decide on a few words that would easily describe the last year of your life.
   “Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
   
   
2. What were the top 5 “highs” of this year? Really take time on this one to stop and thank God for each one! It is amazing how remembering God’s blessings and praising Him for them helps us to view our year with better perspective)
   "I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." ~Psalm 9:1
   
   
3. What were the 5 biggest challenges or trials? Even good years have difficulties and pain. Again, take time to process each item and take it before the Lord in prayer. Ask Him to help you see if there is anything you need to do now to heal and move forward in freedom, and see if there are any lessons He wants you to take from each incident.
   "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." ~James 1:2-4
   
   
4. What “treasures” did I take from this year that I want to store up and remember as I set forth into the coming year? I wrote an entire post on this concept, but the basic premise is to look for any lessons, special blessings, people…anything that made a deep and lasting impact on you that you want to remember and ponder again later.
   "But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." ~Luke 2:19
   
   
5.  What things do I want to let go of from this year so I can move into next year with freedom? What do I want to change? Try to recognize any hurt, bitterness, bad habits, etc that you want to be set free from and don’t want to allow to be part of your life in the new year.
   "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." ~Hebrews 12:1
   
   
6. Which people made the biggest impact on my life this year, for good or for growth? This question helps us to do two things: recognize the people God has placed in our lives that build us up and draw us closer to Him, and also realize which people may have an unhealthy influence that we might want to prayerfully consider pulling back from.
   "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." ~Proverbs 18:24

Looking Ahead

1. What is my biggest dream or hope for the coming year? What one thing would make the biggest difference in my life for the coming year and would help me to live with both freedom and purpose? It’s ok to dream big here! Nobody else needs to see this. Seek God in prayer, and then try to think if there was only one thing you could do this year to best live your life, what would it be? Some people find it helpful to draw or doodle several different ideas here until they can center in on one "main" thing.
   "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." ~Ephesians 5:15-16
   
2. Is there a single word or phrase I feel led to focus on this year that would help me keep a purposeful vision for my year? This year will be my 4^th year doing this, and it has been such a helpful practice. Taking into consideration what you answered for the first question above, is there something succinct and short that you can use to help you keep it in mind? I have used the words “grace”, “enough”, and of course “raphah” and each one have made such a difference in how I focus on my year.
   "The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out." ~Proverbs 20:5
   
   
3.  What is one main goal I want to try to aim for this year in each of these arenas:

• Relationship with God (how can I draw closer to God this year and grow in my faith?)
• Marriage (how can I improve my marriage this year and bless my spouse?)
• Parenting (what can I do to both enjoy my kids and train them up to love God?)
• Our Family (what is one thing our family could do together to grow closer this year?)
• Extended Family (how can I best serve and bless my parents, siblings, grandparents…?)
• Friends (How can I make/maintain fellowship with those God has brought into my life?)
• Work/Home (how can I best fulfill the calling God has given me in this season?)
• Ministry (what can I do to share God’s love with others in my church and community?)
• Health (what is the biggest thing I could do to care for my body as God’s temple?)
• Personal Growth/Learning (what can I do to add enjoyment, fun, & learning to my life?)

(I suggest focusing on one main goal for simplicity’s sake, but you are more than welcome to add more. Just remember the main idea here is to live purposefully with freedom, so if adding more goals doesn’t do that, consider cutting back. Also, feel free to add or take out any arenas that don't apply to you.)

Once you have your main goal, it’s time to figure out how to actually reach it! Take the goal in each of these areas and break it down into manageable pieces. What smaller goal could you make each month for each arena that will get you closer to the main one? This is something you can come back to each month as you start to see progress and decide what would be best to help you make your goal. I like to take time each week to break even my monthly goal down if possible, so that I can take little steps towards it each week.
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." ~Ephesians 2:10

 Once you've prayed and worked through each of these questions, you should have a pretty good idea of how you can live with intention and focus in the coming year. Remember, though, to keep the other trait of freedom at the forefront of your mind. Jesus came to give us life in abundance (John 10:10); let's remember that as we seek to live a life of praise for Him in 2019.

Happy New Year!

Treasures of the Heart

"But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." (Luke 2:19)

This year is in its final days, and that means that I find myself in a place of reflection and pondering as I think back on all that has happened in the last 12 months, and all that may occur in the next 12. I love this time of year, not only because of the joy and celebration we have with Christmas, but also because of the opportunity it brings to remember how God has worked this year and to pray through and plan for the next year.

One of my favorite parts of "The Christmas Story" in the Bible is the verse above, that talks about how Mary treasured up all of the things the shepherd's told her, and all that had happened to bring about the birth of her Holy Son and Savior. There is something very touching and meaningful about how she purposely "saved up" the events and words that had brought them to this moment, and then pondered them (some translations actually say she "weighed" them in her mind and heart), bringing them back to mind and dwelling on the vast meaning they held. I was struck recently by the fact that we can do this very thing ourselves, treasuring up the lessons, memories, and meaningful moments of our year and then pondering them throughout the days and months to come. Here are some reasons I think this could be meaningful to us, as well as some of the "treasures" I am dwelling on as this year comes to a close.

5 Blessings of "Treasuring Up"

1. It reminds us of the work God has accomplished. As we go throughout the year, God uses different circumstances, challenges, and people to work in us and help us become who He wants us to be. Treasuring up the lessons and growth He brings about keeps us actively aware of how He is involved in our lives and helps us to stay reliant on Him.

2. It brings us joy and hope. Saving up the good parts of the year, remembering all of the blessings and sweet moments, gives us a reservoir of joy and hope to draw on during the darker, harder days. I don't know about you, but when I think back on the abundance of good that God has poured out on me in the last year, it completely overwhelms me with joy and gratitude. Even when I am in darker days, struggling with depression or discouragement, remembering all of the blessings reminds me of God's good character, and the truth that there is more good to come.

3. It helps us to grow and change. Keeping the lessons and work God has accomplished in us fresh in our hearts makes it easier for us to continue to grow and change. When we come up against obstacles or challenges that would have derailed us before, we can draw on the new truths and growth we have received from God in order to obtain victory. The things that felt impossible before are no longer such a challenge because we have better, more effective tools.

4. It draws us closer to God. I love to think back on the sweet things people have done for me or gifts I've received from them because it makes me feel close to them, even if I haven't gotten to see them or be with them in a while. Much like that, when we think back on all that God has done in the last year, it draws us closer to Him and often leads us to worship and praise! Even the hard, challenging things that we experience and remember can draw us closer to Him as we bring it all before Him, asking Him to help us process, heal, and grow from it all.

5. It makes us purposeful. If we go throughout our days seeking to "treasure up", we are living much more purposefully. It takes focus and intention to save things up in our hearts, and energy to bring them back to mind and process them. It is impossible to float aimlessly through life if you are stopping every so often to gather up treasures for your heart.

What I am treasuring up as 2018 comes to an end

1. God's faithfulness in changing me and growing me. I know I've talked about this so much already, but it is probably the biggest treasure I've received this year, so I have to keep talking about it! I can't even describe the hope and encouragement I've received from God in realizing how much He has changed me. It is humbling, amazing, and beautiful, and something that I know I will draw on for the rest of my life.

2. My friendships. Another main treasure I've received this year that I hold very close to my heart is my friendships. This year God really used friends in my life to accomplish change, provide hope and joy, and inspire me to move forward in growth and maturity. I find it hard to even describe how meaningful my friends have been to me; it actually brings me to tears when I think back on the handful of people that have loved me, inspired me, challenged me, and walked with me through this year. What a gift from God, to be blessed with precious sisters like that.

3. God's lavish love. When I ponder this last year, I'm struck by how God poured out His lavish love on me. He worked on changing me and helping me to grow, but He also just gave me so many little joys and blessings that made my days happy. I really experienced Him as a joyful Father wanting to give good gifts to His child, things that He knew I would enjoy and would make me smile. That picture of God is one I want to keep forever.

4. My family. Again I find it hard to express the deep meaning in this treasure. Being a mommy of little ones means there are so many sweet, precious things to treasure up. Everything from seeing my firstborn learn a new skill after working hard at it, to hearing my daughter tell me I am the most beautiful thing she's ever seen, to my darling toddler's delightful sayings and quirks...every day has held potential for treasures with my sweet children.

There are also countless things I've treasured up with my husband this year: celebrating 10 years of marriage, seeing him grow and mature as a man of God and stepping up as God works in him, watching him enjoy our sweet children...it overwhelms my heart with gratitude and joy.

Finally, I have had countless treasures from my extended family--wisdom and love from my parents and parents-in-love; abounding joy and laughter with all of my siblings (including my awesome "sister squad"); and I even got to savor a whole year with my sweet grandma being involved in our lives. Family has been indescribably "treasured" this year.

5. Loving Life. The last treasure I've pondered this year might seem a little bit strange; if you have never faced depression, you might not understand how loving life could be a treasure. However, I'm sad to say that this gift isn't always something I've held. I've struggled pretty consistently with wanting to run away from my life, needing to just escape and hide from everything. Honestly, it's still something I battle from time to time even now. Overall, though, this year has given me the gift of being able to say that I truly love my life. I look back on all that God has done, on the amazing people He has placed in my life, on the evidence of His love and work, and the promise of it all continuing...and I love my life. This treasure is one I intend to sink deep into my heart and spirit so that I can look back on it and ponder it as often as I need to in order to win victory over the lies Satan tries to tell me during times of depression.

Coming to the end of the year can bring up a lot of emotions as we think back on everything that has happened. My hope, though, is that by focusing on all of the treasures we received, we can end the year with a sense of gratitude and joy, and go into the next year ready to treasure up all that God has in store for us.

Saying Goodbye

When I chose my "word" this year--raphah, "let go"--I expected it to be hard. I was actually scared to choose it because I had a feeling it would be the most challenging word I've focused on yet. I figured I would have to learn a lot about "losing" my perceived control over things, and being ok with it. I was aware that I would need to loosen my grip on expectations I had for myself, others, and my circumstances. I prepared myself to grow in my ability to "just roll with it" and not have to know all the plans, all the time. But what I didn't expect, and what I never realized would be the hardest part of all this, was how many relationships God would call me to let go and say goodbye to; to lose; to mourn. I've touched on this before when I shared about leaving the church we had attended for over a decade. That was a loss, something I needed to let go of in order to move into the new. 

Even since then, though, God is making me aware that as I finish up this year, He's going to have me let go of even more, to say goodbye (or at least "see you later") to people, places, and things I dearly love. I wasn't ready for that. The last two years have already been filled with loss and grief and mourning as I said goodbye to both of my grandfathers, who passed away less than a year apart; I do not want to do that anymore. I don't want to process loss again. I don't want to feel that deep grief and the ache of "missing" someone I love. In spite of my deep desire not to "do grief" anymore, though, God is making it clear that it's something He has for me in this season, something He wants me to lean on Him through and allow Him to use to shape me even more into who He made me to be. Here is what I am learning about saying goodbye and letting go of relationships I care deeply about.

Make the most of every moment you do get.

I have a good friend who has taught me the importance of savoring each moment you get with someone rather than mourning the fact that you have to say goodbye soon. Sometimes I get so caught up in realizing how much I will miss someone that I forget to enjoy them while I still have them! It's so important not to get so focused on the fact that you are losing a relationship (or at least facing major changes in it) that you forget to savor the gifts you still have in it right now. So be purposeful in your relationships. Go on adventures; spend time together; give as many hugs as you can; take pictures; laugh together. Fill up your bucket of sweet memories so that you have a deep well to draw from later on and can have the peace and gratitude of knowing you made the most of your time together.

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time..." (Ephesians 5:15-16)

Rather than being angry that something is ending, focus on being thankful for the time you had. 

It's so easy to fall into the trap of anger and bitterness over losing something or someone we love, whether that is from a death, a move, or a break in the relationship. It's hard to let go of things or people that have meant a lot to us, and much like a child who throws a tantrum over needing to let go of an old, broken (but still loved) toy, we can throw our own version of a temper tantrum when God says it's time to say goodbye. "But that's not fair! Why would you allow that? Why did you even let me grow so attached if you were just going to take it away?" Rather than focusing on the fact that we can't have this anymore, though, we can try to shift our perspective to remembering all of the good we enjoyed and thanking God for that. We are not promised any set amount of time with any person, group, or relationship, so whatever we are given is a gift from God to be cherished and enjoyed. It can still be very painful to think back on all of the good this person brought to us and to realize we can't have that anymore, but I believe it still protects against bitterness. It is actually physiologically impossible to be thankful and bitter at the same time, so when you find yourself falling into anger or bitterness, strive to dwell on everything you were thankful for with this relationship and praise God for that.

"I thank my God every time I remember you." (Philippians 1:3)

Look to God as your Comfort, and then share His comfort with others

Nobody knows the pain of goodbyes like our wonderful Savior. Jesus faced every kind of goodbye you can imagine: People He loved died; He was abandoned by His closest followers when He needed them most; He was betrayed by someone who promised he would always be there for Him. Jesus knows your pain, no matter what kind of goodbye you are facing, so turn to Him. Share your anger, hurt, confusion, and sense of abandonment; He felt all of those things Himself and is the best confidant and comforter you could hope for. And once you are beyond the initial grief and loss, you will be able to help others in their own seasons of loss.
 In this time of goodbyes and letting go of so many people I love, I have found God to be so faithful and loving in His comfort. While I would much rather just not have to face goodbyes at all, I can see that God is using it to help me grow closer to Him, and I also know that it will help me to be able to minister to others who are saying their own goodbyes.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

I think the reason goodbyes are so painful and difficult is because they were never what God intended. When He created the world, He planned for everyone to be together with Him, enjoying sweet fellowship for all Eternity. When sin entered the world, it brought with it separation from God, as well as every kind of goodbye we now face with other relationships. What amazing comfort it is, though, to realize that we never have to say goodbye to fellow believers forever. Not even death can permanently separate us from our brothers and sisters in Christ! We may not get to see some of them anymore on this side of Heaven, or have a restored relationship that has been broken, but can you imagine the beautiful and amazing reunion we will experience later? And when that happens, we will never, ever have to say goodbye again. And that, my friends, is something worth holding on to even as we learn to let go here on earth. 

Do It Scared

Have you ever gone about your regular routine and have it end up leading to a "milestone moment"? You know, the kind of moment that you look back on later and realize it totally changed you? That happened to me a couple weeks ago. I’ve been attending a fabulous workout/dance class called REFIT that is basically dancing like crazy for an hour and having a blast, followed by an encouraging message and prayer. It’s my favorite workout ever, and something that I've done almost every week for about 4 years now. In spite of all of that time, though, and the fact that I've learned the dances pretty well, I’d never once wanted to be up on the stage leading a song like the amazing instructors I've had do week in and week out. I remember my first REFIT instructors having a song where they would randomly select people in the crowd to go up on stage and dance, and I would literally flee the room when I knew that was happening. I DID NOT want that kind of attention or pressure! I was content to stay in the back row, hidden in the shadows, enjoying the workout as well as the anonymity.

Fast forward a couple of years and now one of my closest friends teaches my REFIT class. I've been able to overcome my need to stay in the back row, and actually prefer to be in the front row of class so I can see better (being barely 5 feet tall doesn't lend itself well to seeing my teachers from behind other people). On this particular night, my friend pulled me aside and told me she had noticed that I knew the dances well, and I had what it takes to lead a song “sometime." "You know what you're doing!" she said, "So that means you're ready to lead a song or two." I was flattered, of course, especially having it come from someone I admire so much, and I told her “Sure, ok, yeah. I think I could do that now, sometime, as long as I had time to practice beforehand.” Then I let it go, figuring I didn't need to worry about it for at least another week, when the next class would be. 

Well, halfway into that class, that very night, my friend called me out. "Hey! You know this song. Come up here.” 

>>>Head over to Raising Rices' blog to read what happened next.<<<

Let there Be Light

Maybe it's because I've been in a time of darkness in the last few weeks, fighting that same old battle with depression that likes to spring up from time to time, but I have been feeling very drawn to how God's Word is referred to as "light". There were quite a few verses in my Bible reading time this week that talked about how God's Word is a light (coincidence? I think not) and as I've studied more about this, I've found that there are many ways the Bible acts as a light in our lives. Here are some examples of how that happens.

1. God's Word guides us when we don't know where to go
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Psalm 119:105)

The first thought that came to mind for me was that God's Word sheds light on our path when we feel lost, uncertain of where to go, or "stuck" in life. I tend to be a "planner", and I like to know what is going to happen, when it will occur, and what I can do to best prepare for it. Of course, we all know that's not how life works. There are countless unknowns, and trying to control everything will just lead to frustration and defeat. God's Word has been very reassuring to me as I strive to let go of that need to "know" and control my plans, and has been a wonderful source of wisdom and insight when I have major decisions to make. My mom had some good wisdom for me regarding this very thing. She reminded me that God promises us a lamp to show us the very next step--not a floodlight that illuminates the entire area so that we can see everything that's going to happen. In His wisdom, God knows to give us just enough guidance and direction to help us in the here and now, but not so much that we are overwhelmed thinking about what is to come.

2. God's Word breaks through times of darkness

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5)

This summer I was blessed to go on a special trip with my husband to celebrate 10 years of marriage. We had a blast eating awesome food, talking together, and enjoying all kinds of fun adventures. One of the coolest things we got to do together was to explore a lava cave, something neither of us had ever done and were so excited to experience. We rented small headlamps at the mouth of the cave and descended hundreds of stairs down into the gloom. At first it wasn't too terribly dark as we still had some sunlight filtering through to light the way. Eventually, though, the only light available came from those little headlamps. It was an eerie feeling, only being able to see a few feet ahead of us, and feeling the darkness close in behind. At one point we found ourselves without any of the other tourists around, and my husband exclaimed that we should turn off our lights and see how dark it was. I wasn't particularly thrilled with this plan, but I figured a few seconds would be fine. We switched off the lights, and I instantly felt suffocated by the darkness. I've never experienced anything like it; I could physically feel the blackness pressing in around me, and panic starting to surface. "Ok, that's enough of that!" I stated, and switched my little light back on. As light spilled out around us, the oppressive feeling vanished. It was a very powerful image for me, realizing how quickly the light filled in all of the spaces it could reach, and how much better I felt having even that tiny little headlamp

I've battled depression for most of my life, so I'm not a stranger to times of emotional or spiritual darkness. A lot of times it feels much like that blackness in the cave: oppressive, all-consuming, even panic-inducing. But just like turning our little lights on completely chased the dark away, God's Word has the power to break through times of darkness in our lives and provide the hope and encouragement that we need most. 

3. God's Word gives us courage to face the storms

"The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1)

Just like a lighthouse can cut through gloom and fog to guide ships safely into harbor, God's Word is a beacon of hope for every stormy trial we face. It's so, so easy to get side-tracked by the giant waves and the rolling thunder of life's storms, but a well-timed verse or passage of Scripture can catch our attention and refocus us on the One who controls the wind and the waves. Remembering Who God is and all He has done as documented in His Word makes even the fiercest storms come back into perspective for us; provides comfort when everything around is chaos; and guides us safely back where we need to be.

4. God's Word reveals the unknown. 

"The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple." (Psalm 119:130)

The last thing I thought of that light does for us is to reveal hidden things to us. I wake up really early most days of the week so that I can get a workout in before the rest of my family wakes up; so early that even the sun isn't up yet! Since I want to keep the rest of my family asleep, I always try to maneuver my way through most of the house without having any lights on, and there have been plenty of times I've run into items, stepped on things, or bumped into walls. Anybody who has had to fumble their way through a dark room understands this! Having the lights on reveals any hidden obstacles we might encounter, makes it easier to find things we may be looking for, and protects us from injury. In much the same way, God's Word can act as a light that reveals things we may not otherwise see in ourselves or others. Sometimes it helps us to discover a gift or talent; sometimes it convicts us of sin we didn't even know was there; sometimes it shows us a beautiful new truth about God...The Bible is a constant source of wisdom and insight, and God uses it to reveal things we would otherwise never learn!

I love the thought of God's Word acting as a light in my life. It provides so much comfort and reassurance knowing that I always have a source of guidance, hope, strength, and insight waiting for me to access in the pages of my Bible. God is so good to give us such a priceless tool, isn't He? Let's make sure we take advantage of it and read it as often as we can. Goodness knows we could all use a little more Light in our lives, right?

A Page of Thankfulness

As I wrap up my Thanksgiving Day and get ready to head to bed, I wanted to share the things I wrote in my prayer journal this morning as a gratitude exercise. The last few weeks have been a bit of a "doozy", with lots of changes and attacks from the Evil One, so my emotions have been all over the place. In the last few days I've felt especially downhearted and "heavy", so I'm sad to say that gratitude hasn't been first on my mind. Today, though, I knew I wanted to at least try to focus on saying thank you to God for all of the things He's done, so I decided to just start with one page of things to be thankful for. That didn't seem too overwhelming, so I began. As I'm sure you've guessed, once I started, it got easier and easier to list things off. I'm so glad I was able to start my day this way, and now can end it by writing it all out here.  

~Salvation; being completely set free from every sin I've ever done or will ever do through Christ's death on the cross

~Sanctification; being viewed by my Heavenly Father as completely pure and good because He sees me through the lens of His sinless Son; the promise of being made more and more into His image

~Perfect love from my wonderful Abba God, and the resulting trust and peace that brings

~Being married; experiencing the amazing gift of having a husband (one who loves God, me, and our kids) and knowing I always have a teammate, protector, and friend at my side

~Motherhood, the blessing, honor, and privilege of raising up my precious, funny, sweet children to love and serve God

~Close, meaningful relationships with parents, siblings, and grandparents; the amazing gift of growing up in a family that loved God and me, and that continues to invest in my life and makes my days richer and brighter.

~Uncommon friends, "sisters" I got to choose (and who chose me). Women who bless me; build me up in the Lord; cheer me on; know & accept me; and bring great joy to my life.

~God's faithful provision of all that I need--physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Being able to trust that He gives me what is best; if I don't have it, then it isn't what is best right now.

~God's protection over me and my family; having peace knowing He is watching over us

~Health--the ability to see, hear, taste, smell, feel, and move. Having a body that almost always works as it should and that doesn't experience constant pain or sickness.

~God working in even my trials and sorrows to bring about good: using depression to draw me closer to Him; Satan's attacks to make me strong; loss to make me appreciate what I have more.

~All of the talents and gifts God has blessed me with and allows me to use to serve Him and to help others

I hope all of you had a very happy Thanksgiving, and are able to make your own "page [or more] of thankfulness". I'm thankful to each and every one of you who take time to share in this blog with me!

Behold, I am Doing a New Thing

A few weeks ago God taught me another lesson in letting go. That has been my theme for this year, and He's already taught me so much in this that I was honestly a bit surprised to realize He had even more for me to take in! See, I had made the difficult decision to step down as a small group leader in the mom's group of the church I used to attend. This was the last "tie" I had to that church, the last thing I was involved with, so it was a decision I did not enter lightly and that brought up a lot of emotions.

Head over to Raising Rices to read about how God used this transition to teach me about letting go of the old to embrace the new He has for me.

Going Into Battle

This week was a hard one for me, and for a lot of my close friends. It was almost like Satan pulled the pin out of a grenade and tossed it into our midst, and we are still reeling. Some of us are in a very hard season of waiting and just really longing for this season to end; some have been facing ongoing sickness or chronic pain; some are preparing for a major life change and the resulting tension from that; and some are struggling with value and worth. Usually, we can handle our ongoing trials pretty well, keep a good perspective, and stay faithful and positive. This week, though, was different. There is an added "heaviness", and the trials and challenges seem more personal somehow, tailored just right to try to completely derail us. We are all under intense spiritual attack, far beyond the typical struggles and challenges of regular life.

So what now? What do we do when we find ourselves suddenly attacked in a deep, personal way--Satan "going for the jugular" so to speak? Here is what God is speaking to me about being under attack, even now, as I process through this rough week.

It's a reminder to turn to God. As wonderful as my "tribe" is, and as much as I love and appreciate them, they are not a replacement for my Heavenly Father. Honestly, this can be a struggle for me. I long for connection with others, especially those I am blessed enough to feel safe and "real" with, and it's far too easy for me to mistakenly place my wonderful family and friends in a spot that God wants me to keep free for Him. I think one thing God is teaching me through this is that I need to remember to keep Him my first resource and main comfort. This also means I shouldn't try to rely on myself--on my own strength, courage, or stamina. If I do that, I will not be able to endure when the attacks come. Nobody understands more than God does, and nobody can comfort, encourage, and equip me better than He can. 

"Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul." (Psalm 54:4)

It's actually a good sign to be under attack. Satan doesn't attack people who aren't a threat to him; he wants to save his energy and resources for those that God is working on and preparing for some kind of important Kingdom work. My dad actually shared a neat illustration from John Piper's Podcast this last weekend about this very thing. In the podcast, John Piper describes our Christian walk like driving on a racetrack. While we are racing, we have an opponent (Satan) who obviously doesn't want us to win, so he does all he can to stop us, including throwing mud on our windshield. He wouldn't bother to do this if we were on the wrong track, of course, because there wouldn't be a risk of us beating him!
Each one of my sweet friends that have been under attack this week are doing, or are about to do, amazing things for God: one is an awesome, godly mommy due with her next baby any day; one is getting ready to move to a different country to be a missionary; one has adopted her current precious children and is moving toward adopting her foster kids, giving them a godly home they would never had otherwise had; and yet another is leading and preparing for a mission trip next year that is undoubtedly going to change lives. This is all amazing, God-honoring, Kingdom-building work! Satan DOES NOT want that to happen, so he is on the attack in big ways. Knowing this is actually rather encouraging in ways, because we can know that #1, God is doing things in our lives and helping us to grow, and #2 we are on the "right track" and are actually a viable threat to the Evil One.

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world." (1 Peter 5:8-9)

God prepared me for this. In contrast to this week, last week was an awesome week for me. There were hard moments, but God was working in big ways. I saw so much evidence of how He has worked in my life, changing me and equipping me to be who He's called me to be; I experienced really awesome moments with family and friends that filled my heart up; I let go of another big part of the past in order to step into the future things God has for me; and I just felt totally overwhelmed by His goodness and blessings. In ways, going from "mountaintop moments" like that to being "bottomed out" this week was really, really hard; but another way to look at it is that God gave me the awesome experiences from last week to "fill me up" in preparation for this week. God knew what was going to happen; it wasn't at all surprising to Him that things kind of fell apart for me this week. Just like Satan saw God working and wanted to bring me down because of it, God foresaw what Satan would be up to and equipped me with extra joy, blessings, and truth to help me get through this. It's still hard. I've still had several moments where I wasn't sure I could keep going, and even more where I didn't want to. It's such a comfort and encouragement, though, to remember that God prepared me for this, and I really am going to get through it ok.

"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." (Psalm 18:32)

Watch for God to Work. So many times I have realized that God does the most work in me during the hard, sad seasons. I don't usually see evidence of that until the next "happy season", but I know that it is when I am knee-deep in the mire and worn out from battling that God is working on me the most. Remembering that helps me to hold onto hope, and to not give in to despair. I will look back on this season as a different person than I am today; I will thank God for how He shaped me and changed me; and I will rejoice and praise Him for the victory He will provide.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

Channel your inner warrior. When we are under attack, it isn't time to curl up in a ball and try to endure the blows the enemy deals us. It's time to put on our armor, strap on our weapons, and fight. I talked to my counselor about this week, and it was actually the first time in a long time that I cried. I felt frustrated to still be struggling so much with the same old lies Satan likes to use against me. I know the truth in my head, and I can repeat it over and over, but this week my heart was just quaking under the constant assault. I told her that the attacks from Satan were so intense this week that I felt like he was physically bearing down on me; like I was in the middle of a sword fight, our blades were locked up, and he was pressing me to the ground.
My counselor is so cool. She calmly listened to me cry, offered me a tissue, and then mused, "So...let's go with this picture. He's got you held down. You're holding your sword. He's got his and is really going at it. You're bent down under all that attack. So, now...are you just going to stay down there? Are you going to be all sweet and timid? Or are you going to channel your inner warrior and take. him. down?" (My counselor is also pretty awesome at inspiring action).

When I am under attack, I have to come to a point that I decide, "Enough is enough. I'm not taking this anymore." Satan knows just how to attack me, it's true. He knows my weaknesses; he knows exactly how, when, and through what he can do the most damage to my heart and send me reeling. My counselor even told me, "You're going to get scars. You're going to get hurt. But that doesn't mean you stop fighting." I have to say, I agree with her. There's no way I'm taking this lying down.

"Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm." (Ephesians 6:11-13)

This week has definitely not been "my favorite". It's exhausting, discouraging, and emotional to be battling the Enemy of our souls. Ultimately, though, I know these kinds of days will lead to a closer relationship with God; amazing work accomplished for the Kingdom; reminders of how God has prepared and equipped me; awesome "growth spurts" that will lead to me being closer to who God made me to be; and opportunities to channel my "inner warrior". It's going to be worth it, Guys. Keep battling, and then celebrate all together when the victory comes.

Not Unnoticed

In one of my recent sessions with my counselor, we were discussing all of the work and growth God has accomplished in my life since I started counseling about a year ago. Our times together have become much happier and even more fun lately, more about celebrating what God has done and not quite so much about confronting unhealthy thinking and beliefs. Toward the end of the time, she looked at me and mused,
"I wonder, Mary. What would it do for you to have others come to you, people who have known you through this process, and tell you, 'Hey. You're different now. I just wanted you to know, I see that."
 To my surprise, I suddenly broke down in tears. I hadn't even thought about it, but having her say that made me realize what that would mean to my heart. The past year had been so amazing, getting to see God work in my life in ways He never had before, but it was also very challenging and painful at times. "Rehashing" painful memories and hurt; being confronted with wrong thoughts or beliefs that I swore up and down were "right"; pretty much needing to let go of an entire identity in order to gain this new one...all of these things led to amazing results, but were intensely hard to walk through. To have others recognize that, though, and just acknowledge the change God has done? Wow. What a gift that would be.

It was immediately after that session that I stopped by a friend's house because she said she had found something she wanted to give me. This dear lady had found one of my favorite coffee drinks at the store and bought it for me, and she also included a little card with a message...all about noticing the work I was doing and the changes God was making. Needless to say, I cried for the second time that day! I still have that card and I read it often to remind myself of what God has done and of the amazing support I have.

All of this made me realize the gift it is just for others to notice us. I know sometimes we can get the idea that it's somehow wrong to want to be noticed. True, we don't want to turn into self-absorbed "prima donnas", constantly seeking the spotlight and commendation from others, and our ultimate goal is always to make God known more than ourselves, but I don't think that means we don't still long for others to really see us and care enough to tell us so. I say this a lot, but it bears repeating: God made us relational people. He uses others to speak to us, correct us, encourage us...notice us; and He wants us to share those gifts with others. After thinking through all of this, here are some ways I came up with to help us notice others.

Call Out  Each Other's "Sparkle" The other day a dear friend of mine "tagged" me on an Instagram post. It was a photo of a card that simply said, "Your sparkle has not gone unnoticed." Guys, that made my whole day. What a beautiful way to put it: your "sparkle". I don't know about you, but I love the idea that I somehow sparkle. It denotes a certain kind of fun, happy beauty, and even hints at the idea that we are sharing Light with others somehow ("In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." ~Matthew 5:16) When my friend took time to call that out in me and let me know she saw it, it truly blessed my heart, and it caused me to walk through the rest of the day with so much joy (and yes, some sparkle too.) Take time to tell others the beauty and goodness that you see in them; I guarantee you it will make their day.

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Recognize Growth and Changes Made. Like my sweet friend did for me with that card, we can bless and spur one another on simply by recognizing growth and changes in each other. Think about the last time you tried to lose weight, or make some other change for the better. How much did it mean each time someone recognized the effort you were making and noticed the changes? For me, it makes me willing to keep working toward my goals, as hard as the process can be, simply because I know it's making a noticeable difference. Try to notice the efforts those around you are making in order to better themselves, and share with them the changes you see. You just might be the "wind in their sails" to keep them going.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)

Be Aware of Pain and Sadness. One of the hardest parts of dealing with anxiety and depression is how isolating it can feel. I don't want to be seen as a complainer, or bring others down, so I feel like I need to hide my negative emotions and "put on a happy face", or hide away until I can pull myself together. I think also that as Christians, we can fall into the thinking that we will somehow lose our testimony if we appear anything less than joyful, or at very least end up as a terrible example of the full and abundant life we are given in Christ. With all of that, I tend to try to hide when I am struggling with getting my negative emotions back under control, or at least attempt to minimize them. I wish I could express what it means, then, for someone to notice even small signs that I am struggling, and to simply check in. I have one friend who will just straight-up say, "You look forlorn. What's up?" if she notices I'm not as "bubbly" as usual. One of my sweet sisters-in-love is very aware and sensitive to how others are feeling, and she has a gift of knowing when I need an extra-long hug. Just knowing that people are aware that I'm struggling really "takes the edge off" when I am feeling down. If you notice someone not acting like they usually do, take time to check in. Sometimes they won't want to share, and that's ok; it still means so much to know people are aware and care.

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." (Proverbs 12:25)

I don't want to give the idea that we should seek others' attention or commendation before or above God's; our Heavenly Father is always the only One who can perfectly notice us, understand us, and encourage us. With that said, let's try to at least be reflections of His perfect love and care, and do what we can to make sure those He places in our path do not go unnoticed. 

Did You Think To Pray?

A few weeks ago my son came down with a terrible case of croup. Now, we've dealt with croup several times, but this time was different. This time all of our usual "tricks" didn't work, or were a very short-term fix; within an hour our boy was once again coughing and wheezing, and was beginning to seriously struggle to breathe.

After the third time being woken up by an "attack", we finally decided to pack him up and get him to the ER. As I loaded him into the car, though, he suddenly began to panic and sobbed out, "My chest hurts!" Of course, adding crying to croup is not a good mix, and his already labored breathing instantly worsened. This was probably one of the most helpless moments of my life. I knew I couldn't do anything to help him, and I began to wonder if I should just call an ambulance for him. 

~~~Read the rest of the story over at Raising Rices where I am honored to share how God used this scary situation to teach me more about prayer ~~~