"I wonder, Mary. What would it do for you to have others come to you, people who have known you through this process, and tell you, 'Hey. You're different now. I just wanted you to know, I see that."
To my surprise, I suddenly broke down in tears. I hadn't even thought about it, but having her say that made me realize what that would mean to my heart. The past year had been so amazing, getting to see God work in my life in ways He never had before, but it was also very challenging and painful at times. "Rehashing" painful memories and hurt; being confronted with wrong thoughts or beliefs that I swore up and down were "right"; pretty much needing to let go of an entire identity in order to gain this new one...all of these things led to amazing results, but were intensely hard to walk through. To have others recognize that, though, and just acknowledge the change God has done? Wow. What a gift that would be.
It was immediately after that session that I stopped by a friend's house because she said she had found something she wanted to give me. This dear lady had found one of my favorite coffee drinks at the store and bought it for me, and she also included a little card with a message...all about noticing the work I was doing and the changes God was making. Needless to say, I cried for the second time that day! I still have that card and I read it often to remind myself of what God has done and of the amazing support I have.
All of this made me realize the gift it is just for others to notice us. I know sometimes we can get the idea that it's somehow wrong to want to be noticed. True, we don't want to turn into self-absorbed "prima donnas", constantly seeking the spotlight and commendation from others, and our ultimate goal is always to make God known more than ourselves, but I don't think that means we don't still long for others to really see us and care enough to tell us so. I say this a lot, but it bears repeating: God made us relational people. He uses others to speak to us, correct us, encourage us...notice us; and He wants us to share those gifts with others. After thinking through all of this, here are some ways I came up with to help us notice others.
Call Out Each Other's "Sparkle" The other day a dear friend of mine "tagged" me on an Instagram post. It was a photo of a card that simply said, "Your sparkle has not gone unnoticed." Guys, that made my whole day. What a beautiful way to put it: your "sparkle". I don't know about you, but I love the idea that I somehow sparkle. It denotes a certain kind of fun, happy beauty, and even hints at the idea that we are sharing Light with others somehow ("In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." ~Matthew 5:16) When my friend took time to call that out in me and let me know she saw it, it truly blessed my heart, and it caused me to walk through the rest of the day with so much joy (and yes, some sparkle too.) Take time to tell others the beauty and goodness that you see in them; I guarantee you it will make their day.
"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Recognize Growth and Changes Made. Like my sweet friend did for me with that card, we can bless and spur one another on simply by recognizing growth and changes in each other. Think about the last time you tried to lose weight, or make some other change for the better. How much did it mean each time someone recognized the effort you were making and noticed the changes? For me, it makes me willing to keep working toward my goals, as hard as the process can be, simply because I know it's making a noticeable difference. Try to notice the efforts those around you are making in order to better themselves, and share with them the changes you see. You just might be the "wind in their sails" to keep them going.
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)
Be Aware of Pain and Sadness. One of the hardest parts of dealing with anxiety and depression is how isolating it can feel. I don't want to be seen as a complainer, or bring others down, so I feel like I need to hide my negative emotions and "put on a happy face", or hide away until I can pull myself together. I think also that as Christians, we can fall into the thinking that we will somehow lose our testimony if we appear anything less than joyful, or at very least end up as a terrible example of the full and abundant life we are given in Christ. With all of that, I tend to try to hide when I am struggling with getting my negative emotions back under control, or at least attempt to minimize them. I wish I could express what it means, then, for someone to notice even small signs that I am struggling, and to simply check in. I have one friend who will just straight-up say, "You look forlorn. What's up?" if she notices I'm not as "bubbly" as usual. One of my sweet sisters-in-love is very aware and sensitive to how others are feeling, and she has a gift of knowing when I need an extra-long hug. Just knowing that people are aware that I'm struggling really "takes the edge off" when I am feeling down. If you notice someone not acting like they usually do, take time to check in. Sometimes they won't want to share, and that's ok; it still means so much to know people are aware and care.
"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." (Proverbs 12:25)
I don't want to give the idea that we should seek others' attention or commendation before or above God's; our Heavenly Father is always the only One who can perfectly notice us, understand us, and encourage us. With that said, let's try to at least be reflections of His perfect love and care, and do what we can to make sure those He places in our path do not go unnoticed.
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