Well this week I read a story that really struck me and made me recognize this ongoing theme, as well as the remedy for it. In 2 Samuel 6, King David is bringing the Ark of God back to Jerusalem, and in the process of doing this, he is celebrating big time! The passage says he danced before God "with all his might" (verse 14) and was even leaping around in joy (verse 16). He was pretty much living out that quote "dance like no one is watching!" In the midst of this crazy dance party, David's wife Michal was watching, and she didn't like what she saw. There are a few different reasons that Bible translators have given for her disgust, but the overall consensus is that she didn't feel that he was behaving as a king should, and was basically making a fool of himself in front of the "common people." So here we have David, who is overjoyed at the ark being returned to his city, and has lost himself in worship and praise; and on the other side we have Michal, who sees this display as inappropriate and unbecoming for a king. This is their interaction when David returns home:
"And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, 'How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants' female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows uncovers himself!' And David said to Michal, 'It was before the LORD who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the LORD--and I will celebrate before the LORD.'" (2 Samuel 6:20-21, emphasis mine)
Michal chastises David for his actions, and what is David's response? "It was before the LORD; I will celebrate before the LORD."
"Before the LORD."
David wasn't even paying attention to any of the other people. He wasn't dancing before them. In his mind, it was just him and God, and he was praising Him, without care for any onlookers. He didn't let Michal's false impression of him and misplaced judgement change his actions, and he didn't apologize for them; he knew what his motives were in what he had done, and was focused only on what God thought. He danced before the LORD, heedless of who else was watching, and careless of their judgement.
Guys. That's how I want to live my life. I want to live my life before God and not pay so much attention to what others think or say. To live that way sounds so, so freeing! My question is, how do we get there?
We have to remember that we can't control what other people do, think, say, or believe. I've realized that striving to make sure that others perceive me in the right way is really a losing game, because I can't make them see me the way I wish they would; I can't make them believe me when I share my motives for what I do; nor am I able to alter their opinions once they've made up their minds about me. All I can control is what I do, what I say, what I think, and how I choose to treat them. If we choose to ignore that fact and continue in this ceaseless striving of trying to force people to see us in a good light, there are so many sad repercussions: missed opportunities from fear of people "taking things wrong"; lack of depth in relationships ("if I admit how I'm feeling, they'll think I'm selfish/petty/jealous/insecure/fill-in-the-blank"); endless cycles of anxiety, depression, frustration, and stress; and even physical symptoms like headaches and stomach issues that stem from the emotional toll. The very first step in getting freedom from this is in accepting that we cannot control other people, and that includes the way they might view us/their opinion of us.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't be willing to accept loving correction from people, or seek wisdom from them, or listen to others' concerns; there have been many, many times when I have been blind to my own sin until another person lovingly pointed it out to me and helped me recognize it. God does use other people to speak to us, correct us, and guide us. I think the balance here is to not live our lives preemptively worrying about what others' opinions could be and thereby being held back from what God wants us to do. I think this is what is hard for me! For whatever reason, I spend a lot of time and energy striving to appear like I never sin! The truth, though, is that of course I do. We are all sinful, fallen people who are prone to mess up, and we all need God's grace and forgiveness. To seek to appear as anything more than that really boils down to pride and deceit. So, we need to expect to make mistakes (and to have others point them out). The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can be free from the impossible task of trying to appear like we never slip up.
So how should we respond when others view what we do in a way we never intended? Do we brush it off and just assume they "don't get us" and chalk it up to that? Or do we automatically accept that we had to have been wrong if someone else saw it that way and change our plans/thoughts/personalities to fit that opinion? I think there's a little bit more of a middle ground then those two "extremes". When other people do share their concerns or opinions of our actions with us, I think it should cause us to search our hearts and to seek God and ask Him if our motives were sinful or not. Afterall, that's what God looks at: the heart. People can only see the outward actions, not the heart behind it. I think a regular prayer we should share with God is the one found in Psalm 139:
"O LORD, you have searched me and known me...Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead in the way everlasting!" (verses 1, 23-24)
Remember, people can only see our outward actions; they can't always see our heart or the motives behind the things we do, so they're going to take things "the wrong way" at times, like Michal did with David. Those times do hurt, of course, and are probably harder for some of us to deal with than others. However, if we are continually seeking God and asking Him to test our hearts and thoughts (the things people can't see), and if we submit to His guidance, then we are likely to be following the right path. And if our hearts are right with God, we are striving to follow His way, and we are open to correction but not enslaved to people's opinions, then I think we can live in real freedom. Remember, God has already searched us, and He knows us better than anyone else; even if nobody else understands us or views us well, God does. And He holds quite a bit more sway than any single person on earth.
The flip side of this is that we need to remember that we don't see other people's hearts, either. Don't be quick to assume the worst in others; remember it isn't our "job" to convict or change people; and remain humble in any case where you may feel the need to share a concern or offer correction to another. Treat others the way you wish they would treat you, right?
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