Something I've done that has helped me with processing all of this has been to jot down a few thoughts and emotions I've had for each week of this quarantine. As I look back on it, I can see some main themes and lessons that each week of quarantine taught me, and I want to share them with you all here.
Week 1: In Times of Unsteadiness, God is Our Rock
The first week that the COVID-19 "stuff" started becoming real was a whirlwind. There was a pretty wide range of responses from people, everything from laughing it off ("guess we get to take advantage of the cheap airline tickets now!") to sheer panic (goodbye, toilet paper). My thoughts and emotions were a bit of a see-saw, mirroring the varied reactions around me. I would swing from fear ("what are we going to do stuck at home all the time?") to hopefulness ("it might be kind of fun, doing things as a family.") The event itself seemed to be changing every other day, too. One day we were still allowed to meet with others as long as our group didn't exceed 25 people. The next, we were all told we had to stay at home and couldn't see anyone outside of those we lived with. And the timeline was constantly shifting, too; first we were told it would only be for the month of March...then by Easter...then by the start of May...Basically, nothing was settled. Everything was shaky and uncertain, like standing on a shifting mountain of sand. Everything, that is, except for God.
Psalm 11:3-4, "'if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?' The LORD is in His holy temple; the LORD's throne is in Heaven; His eyes see, His eyelids test the children of man."
In that first week, a lot of foundations were being destroyed: the foundations of security, earthly relationships, good health, knowledge, and SO many more. As that was happening (and continues even now), though, God was still in His Temple, still reigning from His throne in Heaven. His eyes saw, and continue to see, everything happening. He is in control, and He will not be shaken, no matter how much other foundations may be. The first week of COVID-10 quarantine taught me to keep God as my foundation; even when everything else becomes shaky and uncertain, He remains firm.
Week 2: Beware of the "Shoulds"
The second week of quarantine was the hardest for me. I think I'd gotten by ok the first week because it didn't seem like it would be too long, and I was intrigued by the "newness" and the different opportunities the situation offered (more family time, not having to wake up early or rush to be anywhere, etc.) But that wore off pretty quickly, and was replaced with an overall feeling of "what's the point?" I was extremely discouraged and disillusioned, and felt like it didn't matter what I did: it wouldn't make a difference if I was purposeful with my family or just turned on the TV to entertain them; it didn't matter if I tried to get a workout in or just lay around scrolling through social media all day; it wouldn't make a difference if I made healthy meals or just ate what sounded good (hint: it wasn't vegetables.) Yet allowing myself to fall into that "funk" led to another problem: all of the "shoulds".
"I should be taking the kids outside every day."
"I should be working out more."
"I should be reaching out to more people."
All of this "should-ing" led to one overall feeling: "I am failing at quarantine." Of course I knew how ridiculous that sounded! How could somebody possibly fail at quarantine outside of not actually DOING it? But the burden remained, because I saw so many others that were "doing quarantine" better: working out every day, making sure their kids got outside time, sticking to a healthy diet, making sweet memories... Tell me that isn't familiar to some of you! I fell into the comparison trap, and I fell HARD. I learned, though, that my focus needed to be simply on me and my family. Everybody was going to handle this season differently, and it did no good to compare myself to them. Heaping guilt on myself when I was already feeling defeated was only going to make things worse. I knew that I didn't like how this week turned out (ironically it DID matter what I did, as it had an impact on not only my mood but my entire family's!) and I knew things needed to change, but I wouldn't be able to move forward by getting buried underneath comparison and "shoulds." Week 2 taught me to avoid comparing "my" quarantine with others, and to instead seek to do what works for us.
Week 3: Do the Next Right Thing
Our family, like many others I imagine, has been pretty caught up in the new movie "Frozen 2" that was released by Disney early in light of COVID-19. This is actually one of my favorite new movies because I can relate so much with one of the characters, and I also love the music. One song in particular has resonated with me pretty strongly, and I think a lot of other people can relate to it as well in this season.
Week 4: It Isn't Up To Me
In the 4th week we faced a pretty challenging situation: my husband had a family emergency that required him to travel to another state, leaving me to continue the quarantine solo with our three young kids. I've done plenty of "solo mommy adventures" since my husband travels pretty extensively for work, but doing so without the in-person support of other family or friends, and without the distraction of fun outings, was definitely a new level of intense! The first day he was gone went ok for us; the kids and I had fun working on an art project, and we got to do a drive-thru icecream run with Grandma and Papa, and had a nice movie night with popcorn for dinner. Just before bed, though, things took a bit of a crazy turn. The kids flooded their bathroom during bathtime, broke a picture (complete with needle-point shards of glass), and then busted up my daughter's bed. As I was trying to lift her mattress up to get it settled back in place, I hurt my wrist, and suddenly was overwhelmed with one specific fear: if something happens to me, then what? We had no other adults at all who could come in and help; I was IT. If I got hurt, or sick, or ANYTHING...what then? I went to bed that night with that burden resting on me like a dead weight. I really shouldn't have been surprised, then, when I woke up early the next morning with one of the worst migraines I have ever had. I couldn't even open my eyes, or talk, without getting sick. I spent that day in my room, alternating between sending out desperate pleas for prayer to my family and church, and throwing up from the intense pain. It had happened: I, the only grown-up available to care for my children, was out. And God answered that question I had so fearfully asked the night before: what would happen? Well, a few things happened. First, my oldest son stepped up in a big way. He got all of the food for him and the other kids; he turned on the TV to keep them entertained; he went to the porch to get the medicine my mom had dropped off for my headache; and he brought me crackers and a drink (complete with a little straw! I mean, how sweet is that?). Second, my next door neighbor left ginger ale and crackers on the front step and texted me lots of encouragement. And lastly, my church family stepped in with prayers, texts of support and love, and even sent one precious lady out to us with dinner and Oreos for the kids, and Gatorade for me. What happened was that God showed me something so important: it isn't up to me. Week 4 taught me that all of the caring and all of the helping and all of the day-to-day work of a stay-at-home mom isn't all on my shoulders; it's on His. I don't have to hold it together or carry everything on my own. He is in charge, He is the ultimate Provider and Caretaker, and He is so faithful to come through for His children.
Week 5: Our Struggles Lead to Character
The first week that the COVID-19 "stuff" started becoming real was a whirlwind. There was a pretty wide range of responses from people, everything from laughing it off ("guess we get to take advantage of the cheap airline tickets now!") to sheer panic (goodbye, toilet paper). My thoughts and emotions were a bit of a see-saw, mirroring the varied reactions around me. I would swing from fear ("what are we going to do stuck at home all the time?") to hopefulness ("it might be kind of fun, doing things as a family.") The event itself seemed to be changing every other day, too. One day we were still allowed to meet with others as long as our group didn't exceed 25 people. The next, we were all told we had to stay at home and couldn't see anyone outside of those we lived with. And the timeline was constantly shifting, too; first we were told it would only be for the month of March...then by Easter...then by the start of May...Basically, nothing was settled. Everything was shaky and uncertain, like standing on a shifting mountain of sand. Everything, that is, except for God.
Psalm 11:3-4, "'if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?' The LORD is in His holy temple; the LORD's throne is in Heaven; His eyes see, His eyelids test the children of man."
In that first week, a lot of foundations were being destroyed: the foundations of security, earthly relationships, good health, knowledge, and SO many more. As that was happening (and continues even now), though, God was still in His Temple, still reigning from His throne in Heaven. His eyes saw, and continue to see, everything happening. He is in control, and He will not be shaken, no matter how much other foundations may be. The first week of COVID-10 quarantine taught me to keep God as my foundation; even when everything else becomes shaky and uncertain, He remains firm.
Week 2: Beware of the "Shoulds"
The second week of quarantine was the hardest for me. I think I'd gotten by ok the first week because it didn't seem like it would be too long, and I was intrigued by the "newness" and the different opportunities the situation offered (more family time, not having to wake up early or rush to be anywhere, etc.) But that wore off pretty quickly, and was replaced with an overall feeling of "what's the point?" I was extremely discouraged and disillusioned, and felt like it didn't matter what I did: it wouldn't make a difference if I was purposeful with my family or just turned on the TV to entertain them; it didn't matter if I tried to get a workout in or just lay around scrolling through social media all day; it wouldn't make a difference if I made healthy meals or just ate what sounded good (hint: it wasn't vegetables.) Yet allowing myself to fall into that "funk" led to another problem: all of the "shoulds".
"I should be taking the kids outside every day."
"I should be working out more."
"I should be reaching out to more people."
All of this "should-ing" led to one overall feeling: "I am failing at quarantine." Of course I knew how ridiculous that sounded! How could somebody possibly fail at quarantine outside of not actually DOING it? But the burden remained, because I saw so many others that were "doing quarantine" better: working out every day, making sure their kids got outside time, sticking to a healthy diet, making sweet memories... Tell me that isn't familiar to some of you! I fell into the comparison trap, and I fell HARD. I learned, though, that my focus needed to be simply on me and my family. Everybody was going to handle this season differently, and it did no good to compare myself to them. Heaping guilt on myself when I was already feeling defeated was only going to make things worse. I knew that I didn't like how this week turned out (ironically it DID matter what I did, as it had an impact on not only my mood but my entire family's!) and I knew things needed to change, but I wouldn't be able to move forward by getting buried underneath comparison and "shoulds." Week 2 taught me to avoid comparing "my" quarantine with others, and to instead seek to do what works for us.
Our family, like many others I imagine, has been pretty caught up in the new movie "Frozen 2" that was released by Disney early in light of COVID-19. This is actually one of my favorite new movies because I can relate so much with one of the characters, and I also love the music. One song in particular has resonated with me pretty strongly, and I think a lot of other people can relate to it as well in this season.
"Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing
I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath, this next step
This next choice is one that I can make
So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And with the dawn, what comes then?
When it's clear that everything will never be the same again
Then I'll make the choice to hear that voice
And do the next right thing"
Sometimes my mind wanders to the fact that this quarantine could be my reality for the foreseeable future, and I immediately feel panic begin to rise. "I can't imagine doing this for another DAY, let alone weeks and weeks! I miss my parents! I miss my friends! My kids are bored, my house is trashed, I want to run away." It's so easy to fall into a spiral of discouragement and losing hope when I try to think ahead to the coming weeks or days (or even hours, honestly.) When that happens, the most helpful thing to do is to stop. Take a breath. And ask, "What can I do next that will be most helpful?" Is it taking a walk with the kids? Is it cleaning up ONE room? Is it calling a friend? One thing feels way less overwhelming than the hundreds of things it will take to get through this, but it is exactly by doing just one good thing that we will make it through. Week 3 taught me to break things down and to take one step at a time rather than thinking too far ahead.In the 4th week we faced a pretty challenging situation: my husband had a family emergency that required him to travel to another state, leaving me to continue the quarantine solo with our three young kids. I've done plenty of "solo mommy adventures" since my husband travels pretty extensively for work, but doing so without the in-person support of other family or friends, and without the distraction of fun outings, was definitely a new level of intense! The first day he was gone went ok for us; the kids and I had fun working on an art project, and we got to do a drive-thru icecream run with Grandma and Papa, and had a nice movie night with popcorn for dinner. Just before bed, though, things took a bit of a crazy turn. The kids flooded their bathroom during bathtime, broke a picture (complete with needle-point shards of glass), and then busted up my daughter's bed. As I was trying to lift her mattress up to get it settled back in place, I hurt my wrist, and suddenly was overwhelmed with one specific fear: if something happens to me, then what? We had no other adults at all who could come in and help; I was IT. If I got hurt, or sick, or ANYTHING...what then? I went to bed that night with that burden resting on me like a dead weight. I really shouldn't have been surprised, then, when I woke up early the next morning with one of the worst migraines I have ever had. I couldn't even open my eyes, or talk, without getting sick. I spent that day in my room, alternating between sending out desperate pleas for prayer to my family and church, and throwing up from the intense pain. It had happened: I, the only grown-up available to care for my children, was out. And God answered that question I had so fearfully asked the night before: what would happen? Well, a few things happened. First, my oldest son stepped up in a big way. He got all of the food for him and the other kids; he turned on the TV to keep them entertained; he went to the porch to get the medicine my mom had dropped off for my headache; and he brought me crackers and a drink (complete with a little straw! I mean, how sweet is that?). Second, my next door neighbor left ginger ale and crackers on the front step and texted me lots of encouragement. And lastly, my church family stepped in with prayers, texts of support and love, and even sent one precious lady out to us with dinner and Oreos for the kids, and Gatorade for me. What happened was that God showed me something so important: it isn't up to me. Week 4 taught me that all of the caring and all of the helping and all of the day-to-day work of a stay-at-home mom isn't all on my shoulders; it's on His. I don't have to hold it together or carry everything on my own. He is in charge, He is the ultimate Provider and Caretaker, and He is so faithful to come through for His children.
This week a friend of mine was sharing with the mom's group at our church over our weekly Zoom call, and she talked about how seasons of being "unsettled" or "shaken up" often wind up revealing a deeper place of character and content within ourselves, and I can see that so evidently in my own life as I look back on the last month. It wasn't (and isn't) at all fun to go through the process of being "shaken up" and refined, but we are promised in God's word that it all leads to so much good.
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." (Romans 5:3-4)
There is a lot of suffering happening right now, for just about every person you might talk to. It's hard. It's painful. But you know what? It's teaching us endurance. And endurance produces stronger character. And with stronger character comes something I think we all want more of: HOPE. I haven't yet finished out all of week 5, but I still really feel like the main theme and lesson of this week is a little taste of the fruit that comes from seasons of trial and struggle. Week 5 is teaching me to hold on through the suffering, letting God produce more endurance and character within me, and looking forward to the beautiful hope it will all lead to.
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." (Romans 5:3-4)
There is a lot of suffering happening right now, for just about every person you might talk to. It's hard. It's painful. But you know what? It's teaching us endurance. And endurance produces stronger character. And with stronger character comes something I think we all want more of: HOPE. I haven't yet finished out all of week 5, but I still really feel like the main theme and lesson of this week is a little taste of the fruit that comes from seasons of trial and struggle. Week 5 is teaching me to hold on through the suffering, letting God produce more endurance and character within me, and looking forward to the beautiful hope it will all lead to.
No comments:
Post a Comment