Ecuador, Part 3: I Love You and Will Provide For You

Something that God has spent a lot of time teaching me through most of this year is how faithfully He provides for His people. I've always known that He will take care of my needs, and have been blessed by how He's given me things I'd hoped to have. On my mission trip, though, He showed me an all new level of provision that really enlarged my view of His wonderful care.

2.  I Love You and Will Provide for You

Back at the airport on our first day of travel, beyond that struggle with the awful fear that I had made a mistake in coming, I was also just terribly homesick and missing “my people”, my husband and kids and parents and siblings, and the security of belonging and being wanted and regarded. I went into the trip trying hard to just focus on doing the work, being a team player, and staying reliant on God, and didn't realize at the time how much I was holding myself back from also relying on my team. I am very much a "people person"; I love to help and care for others, but I have to be very careful to not let my fear of adding stress or inconvenience to them drown out the needs I have for help and support. It fills my heart in amazing ways when others take time to care for me, and I find that one of the most impacting ways I grow closer to God is by experiencing Him through His people, but I struggle with allowing Him to do that in my life when I get too caught up in my own insecurity. At the beginning of the trip, I was so focused on supporting my team and avoiding any hint of being a "liability" that I didn't even ask God to provide me with His love and care through them. It was amazingly humbling and heart-filling, then, when God did that for me anyway.

My wonderful team, left to right: Dave, Ron, David, Meghan, Averie, Me, Julie, and Anne

From my team members to the other missionaries to the beautiful Ecuadorian people I encountered, I was so blessed with physical representatives of God's love. I got to room with a wonderfully sweet lady from my team who happened to have a daughter my age, and was such a source of wisdom, encouragement, and love. One of the men on my team would consistently check in with me to make sure I was ok and not feeling overwhelmed or anxious. And everyone in Ecuador greets each other by hugging and kissing on the cheek, and that simple physical affection was truly a sweet gift to my sometimes-lonely heart. A time that I had prepared to just survive alone and get through ended up being such a blessed time of fellowship and grace and growing in relationship with other people. I never thought of asking God for that blessing, but because He loves me, I didn't even need to ask; He is simply a good, good Father who is faithful in providing for His children's' needs and delights in giving them blessings. "Every good and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights..." (James 1:17) 

A shoulder rub "train" after a long day of work!

One of my beautiful Ecuadorian friends, Cici

Me with my sweet "roomie" Anne

Our team at the (way cool) fireworks museum with some of the amazing Ecuadorian people

One thing that especially blessed and helped me on the trip was actually a bit of an ongoing joke: from the first day we were in Cuenca and began meeting new people, my friend Meghan was constantly asked if I was her daughter! She isn’t even three years older than me, nor does she look that much older, but it was a consistent, daily occurrence. She and I would be standing with her actual daughter Averie, and it would begin:

 "Your daughters are so sweet." 

"Do your daughters speak Spanish?" 

"How sweet that you brought your girls with you." 

We weren't exactly sure why people were so convinced of this (we thought it was a mix between the fact that I look a lot younger than I really am, and the point that Meghan is “aggressively maternal” as she titled herself) but we decided to just roll with it, and throughout the week Meghan was my “missionary mom” and Averie was my "hermanita" (little sister). It was silly, funny…and so very much what I needed. I needed to know that I belonged and was wanted, and to have people that I knew loved me and would take care of me. That homesickness I had for my family was debilitating at the beginning of the trip, as was the anxiety of feeling out of place in a new country; I didn't even know how much I needed a surrogate family there in Ecuador until God provided it for me through my friend's family, and it was one of the biggest blessings God gave me on the trip.

Meghan did my hair for me just about every morning during breakfast

My favorite picture of me and my "hermanita" Averie

There were a lot of little ways God used my "Ecuador family" to take care of me and bless me--especially the sweetness of getting to have a little sister for the week to laugh, be silly, and talk with. Almost every day after breakfast, Averie and I got to go up to the roof of the hotel to just talk together and prepare for the day, and I loved those sweet moments so much! It was wonderful to have a little friend to spend time with and experience all of the "newness" together.
God also used these friends of mine to provide care and security when I needed it, and one event in particular stands out above the others. Before I even left on the trip, I had one specific fear that probably sounds silly, but was something that I could not let go of. I knew that we would be taking a lot of bus rides into different parts of the country, and also that the bus drivers there tend to be a little...aggressive. The bus rides in Ecuador are infamous for being "exciting", and I tend to get horribly carsick on just a normal drive.
"No problem," you might say, "Just take Dramamine and ride it out!"
Ah my friends, therein lies the problem.
You see, when I take Dramamine, I don't just get a little drowsy. That stuff is like general anesthesia for me: one second I'm awake, and the next I am out cold. My big fear was that I would take the meds I needed in order to avoid panic on those bus rides, and then would slump over, unconscious in the back of the bus...and somehow get left behind by my team. I realize how unfounded that fear is now, of course, but before the trip it was a very real anxiety! I shared it with Meghan, to which she replied that she would sooner load me into a baby carrier and haul me around unconscious before leaving me on a bus; but still I decided to attempt using the non-drowsy version of the meds just to be safe. For most of the trip this worked fine and I was able to get along ok, but one evening Meghan pulled me aside and said, "You know...the drive tomorrow is pretty intense. It's got super twisty roads, and goes up a mountain with not many guard rails and such...this really might need to be the drive that you knock yourself out for." 

I had already had a mini panic attack with the bus ride from that day, so I had to agree with her. "Yeah...you're probably right."

So the next day we got on the bus and sat together, and I took that dreaded knock-me-unconscious pill. For a while I felt totally normal and was able to enjoy the scenery and chat with the rest of the team. Soon, though, a sudden wave of fatigue hit me, and felt myself nodding off. For a split second, panic set in. I bolted upright in my seat, looking around a bit wildly, feeling disoriented. Meghan caught my eye and asked, "Hey. Do you need to sleep?"

I think I shook my head no, and then yes. 

"What do you need? Do you have a blanket? Pillow?"

I don't remember what I said, but I mumbled something in response before I finally just rested my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes, trying to settle my anxiety. It was then that I felt God speak gently to my heart. "I've got you. You're safe. Just rest."
And with that, all of the anxiety was gone. I actually can't remember a time that I've felt more secure and at peace, which is amazing to me considering it was in the exact setting that I expected to hold so much fear for me. 
I slept for the entire drive to our destination, and then the medicine wore off enough that Meghan could wake me up (no need for that aforementioned baby carrier, thank goodness) and I went about the day a bit drowsy but otherwise just fine.

Even now, whenever I think back on that drive and God's amazing care for me in that situation, my heart is so full. He took a moment of scary vulnerability and turned it into one of my sweetest memories of His love and care. Even with my silliest fears and anxieties, He has compassion and grace on me and provides what I need to get through. 

2 Corinthians 9:8 tells us, "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." That is exactly what God did for me on my mission trip: He blessed me abundantly (with things I didn't even think of asking for), and He gave me all that I needed in order to do the good work He had for me there. This is a promise He gives to each of His people, whether we are on a mission trip in another country, or serving Him faithfully right here at home. God gives us everything we need, blessing us abundantly, in order that we may do His good work. As you go about the work He has for you, I hope you can remember this promise of provision, and trust Him to carry it out for you just like He did (and continues to do) for me. 

My "Ecuador family", one of the biggest blessings I had on the trip

Click here to read part 4