Purpose & Freedom: Finding Balance in Setting Goals for the New Year

I am totally a “goals” person. I love to think back on everything that happened in the last year, contemplate the lessons and blessings, and try to plan for the next year so I can live purposefully and not just “let life happen”. This year is a little different for me, though. This is the first year I get to set goals in freedom and peace, knowing I need to let go of control and trust God, and also realizing that no matter how I live the next year, I am loved and accepted by my Heavenly Father. This is the first year I get to dream and plan without the added pressure of thinking there is only one “best” way for me to do the next year, and instead realize that God sees my heart and will work everything out for the best (even if I totally mess it all up).

I believe there is a fine balance when it comes to New Year’s goals. Yes, we want to live with purpose. We want to seek God in prayer, asking Him to guide us in how we can make the best use of the time, and have dreams and a vision for the year ahead. At the same time, though, we want to live in the freedom and joy that Christ came to give us. We want to remember that no matter how we live the next year, God loves us, and nothing we do will change that. Doing everything well and accomplishing great things won’t make Him love us more, and messing up in big ways won’t make Him love us less. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, you already have the very best reputation with God possible, because He sees you through the redeeming blood of His Son. Our motivation for planning and setting goals shouldn’t be to impress God or to somehow earn His favor or love or pride; we already have all of that! Instead, our motivation should be to offer God a gift of praise and thanks with our lives, making the most of each day He gives us and treating them as a big “thank you” for all that He has done for us.
With that in mind, we can move ahead with some prompts to help us best process the last year, and move into the next one prepared and excited to see God move. Here are some of the things I am contemplating as I prepare to leave 2018 behind and enter 2019.

Thinking Back

1. What 3 words would I use to describe this last year? Why? This is just an easy way to try to break up the big task of processing an entire year! Sometimes I think we get so bogged down with the thought of thinking back over 12 whole months that it's hard to even get started. So, just try to decide on a few words that would easily describe the last year of your life.
   “Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
   
   
2. What were the top 5 “highs” of this year? Really take time on this one to stop and thank God for each one! It is amazing how remembering God’s blessings and praising Him for them helps us to view our year with better perspective)
   "I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds." ~Psalm 9:1
   
   
3. What were the 5 biggest challenges or trials? Even good years have difficulties and pain. Again, take time to process each item and take it before the Lord in prayer. Ask Him to help you see if there is anything you need to do now to heal and move forward in freedom, and see if there are any lessons He wants you to take from each incident.
   "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." ~James 1:2-4
   
   
4. What “treasures” did I take from this year that I want to store up and remember as I set forth into the coming year? I wrote an entire post on this concept, but the basic premise is to look for any lessons, special blessings, people…anything that made a deep and lasting impact on you that you want to remember and ponder again later.
   "But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." ~Luke 2:19
   
   
5.  What things do I want to let go of from this year so I can move into next year with freedom? What do I want to change? Try to recognize any hurt, bitterness, bad habits, etc that you want to be set free from and don’t want to allow to be part of your life in the new year.
   "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." ~Hebrews 12:1
   
   
6. Which people made the biggest impact on my life this year, for good or for growth? This question helps us to do two things: recognize the people God has placed in our lives that build us up and draw us closer to Him, and also realize which people may have an unhealthy influence that we might want to prayerfully consider pulling back from.
   "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." ~Proverbs 18:24

Looking Ahead

1. What is my biggest dream or hope for the coming year? What one thing would make the biggest difference in my life for the coming year and would help me to live with both freedom and purpose? It’s ok to dream big here! Nobody else needs to see this. Seek God in prayer, and then try to think if there was only one thing you could do this year to best live your life, what would it be? Some people find it helpful to draw or doodle several different ideas here until they can center in on one "main" thing.
   "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." ~Ephesians 5:15-16
   
2. Is there a single word or phrase I feel led to focus on this year that would help me keep a purposeful vision for my year? This year will be my 4^th year doing this, and it has been such a helpful practice. Taking into consideration what you answered for the first question above, is there something succinct and short that you can use to help you keep it in mind? I have used the words “grace”, “enough”, and of course “raphah” and each one have made such a difference in how I focus on my year.
   "The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out." ~Proverbs 20:5
   
   
3.  What is one main goal I want to try to aim for this year in each of these arenas:

• Relationship with God (how can I draw closer to God this year and grow in my faith?)
• Marriage (how can I improve my marriage this year and bless my spouse?)
• Parenting (what can I do to both enjoy my kids and train them up to love God?)
• Our Family (what is one thing our family could do together to grow closer this year?)
• Extended Family (how can I best serve and bless my parents, siblings, grandparents…?)
• Friends (How can I make/maintain fellowship with those God has brought into my life?)
• Work/Home (how can I best fulfill the calling God has given me in this season?)
• Ministry (what can I do to share God’s love with others in my church and community?)
• Health (what is the biggest thing I could do to care for my body as God’s temple?)
• Personal Growth/Learning (what can I do to add enjoyment, fun, & learning to my life?)

(I suggest focusing on one main goal for simplicity’s sake, but you are more than welcome to add more. Just remember the main idea here is to live purposefully with freedom, so if adding more goals doesn’t do that, consider cutting back. Also, feel free to add or take out any arenas that don't apply to you.)

Once you have your main goal, it’s time to figure out how to actually reach it! Take the goal in each of these areas and break it down into manageable pieces. What smaller goal could you make each month for each arena that will get you closer to the main one? This is something you can come back to each month as you start to see progress and decide what would be best to help you make your goal. I like to take time each week to break even my monthly goal down if possible, so that I can take little steps towards it each week.
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." ~Ephesians 2:10

 Once you've prayed and worked through each of these questions, you should have a pretty good idea of how you can live with intention and focus in the coming year. Remember, though, to keep the other trait of freedom at the forefront of your mind. Jesus came to give us life in abundance (John 10:10); let's remember that as we seek to live a life of praise for Him in 2019.

Happy New Year!

Treasures of the Heart

"But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." (Luke 2:19)

This year is in its final days, and that means that I find myself in a place of reflection and pondering as I think back on all that has happened in the last 12 months, and all that may occur in the next 12. I love this time of year, not only because of the joy and celebration we have with Christmas, but also because of the opportunity it brings to remember how God has worked this year and to pray through and plan for the next year.

One of my favorite parts of "The Christmas Story" in the Bible is the verse above, that talks about how Mary treasured up all of the things the shepherd's told her, and all that had happened to bring about the birth of her Holy Son and Savior. There is something very touching and meaningful about how she purposely "saved up" the events and words that had brought them to this moment, and then pondered them (some translations actually say she "weighed" them in her mind and heart), bringing them back to mind and dwelling on the vast meaning they held. I was struck recently by the fact that we can do this very thing ourselves, treasuring up the lessons, memories, and meaningful moments of our year and then pondering them throughout the days and months to come. Here are some reasons I think this could be meaningful to us, as well as some of the "treasures" I am dwelling on as this year comes to a close.

5 Blessings of "Treasuring Up"

1. It reminds us of the work God has accomplished. As we go throughout the year, God uses different circumstances, challenges, and people to work in us and help us become who He wants us to be. Treasuring up the lessons and growth He brings about keeps us actively aware of how He is involved in our lives and helps us to stay reliant on Him.

2. It brings us joy and hope. Saving up the good parts of the year, remembering all of the blessings and sweet moments, gives us a reservoir of joy and hope to draw on during the darker, harder days. I don't know about you, but when I think back on the abundance of good that God has poured out on me in the last year, it completely overwhelms me with joy and gratitude. Even when I am in darker days, struggling with depression or discouragement, remembering all of the blessings reminds me of God's good character, and the truth that there is more good to come.

3. It helps us to grow and change. Keeping the lessons and work God has accomplished in us fresh in our hearts makes it easier for us to continue to grow and change. When we come up against obstacles or challenges that would have derailed us before, we can draw on the new truths and growth we have received from God in order to obtain victory. The things that felt impossible before are no longer such a challenge because we have better, more effective tools.

4. It draws us closer to God. I love to think back on the sweet things people have done for me or gifts I've received from them because it makes me feel close to them, even if I haven't gotten to see them or be with them in a while. Much like that, when we think back on all that God has done in the last year, it draws us closer to Him and often leads us to worship and praise! Even the hard, challenging things that we experience and remember can draw us closer to Him as we bring it all before Him, asking Him to help us process, heal, and grow from it all.

5. It makes us purposeful. If we go throughout our days seeking to "treasure up", we are living much more purposefully. It takes focus and intention to save things up in our hearts, and energy to bring them back to mind and process them. It is impossible to float aimlessly through life if you are stopping every so often to gather up treasures for your heart.

What I am treasuring up as 2018 comes to an end

1. God's faithfulness in changing me and growing me. I know I've talked about this so much already, but it is probably the biggest treasure I've received this year, so I have to keep talking about it! I can't even describe the hope and encouragement I've received from God in realizing how much He has changed me. It is humbling, amazing, and beautiful, and something that I know I will draw on for the rest of my life.

2. My friendships. Another main treasure I've received this year that I hold very close to my heart is my friendships. This year God really used friends in my life to accomplish change, provide hope and joy, and inspire me to move forward in growth and maturity. I find it hard to even describe how meaningful my friends have been to me; it actually brings me to tears when I think back on the handful of people that have loved me, inspired me, challenged me, and walked with me through this year. What a gift from God, to be blessed with precious sisters like that.

3. God's lavish love. When I ponder this last year, I'm struck by how God poured out His lavish love on me. He worked on changing me and helping me to grow, but He also just gave me so many little joys and blessings that made my days happy. I really experienced Him as a joyful Father wanting to give good gifts to His child, things that He knew I would enjoy and would make me smile. That picture of God is one I want to keep forever.

4. My family. Again I find it hard to express the deep meaning in this treasure. Being a mommy of little ones means there are so many sweet, precious things to treasure up. Everything from seeing my firstborn learn a new skill after working hard at it, to hearing my daughter tell me I am the most beautiful thing she's ever seen, to my darling toddler's delightful sayings and quirks...every day has held potential for treasures with my sweet children.

There are also countless things I've treasured up with my husband this year: celebrating 10 years of marriage, seeing him grow and mature as a man of God and stepping up as God works in him, watching him enjoy our sweet children...it overwhelms my heart with gratitude and joy.

Finally, I have had countless treasures from my extended family--wisdom and love from my parents and parents-in-love; abounding joy and laughter with all of my siblings (including my awesome "sister squad"); and I even got to savor a whole year with my sweet grandma being involved in our lives. Family has been indescribably "treasured" this year.

5. Loving Life. The last treasure I've pondered this year might seem a little bit strange; if you have never faced depression, you might not understand how loving life could be a treasure. However, I'm sad to say that this gift isn't always something I've held. I've struggled pretty consistently with wanting to run away from my life, needing to just escape and hide from everything. Honestly, it's still something I battle from time to time even now. Overall, though, this year has given me the gift of being able to say that I truly love my life. I look back on all that God has done, on the amazing people He has placed in my life, on the evidence of His love and work, and the promise of it all continuing...and I love my life. This treasure is one I intend to sink deep into my heart and spirit so that I can look back on it and ponder it as often as I need to in order to win victory over the lies Satan tries to tell me during times of depression.

Coming to the end of the year can bring up a lot of emotions as we think back on everything that has happened. My hope, though, is that by focusing on all of the treasures we received, we can end the year with a sense of gratitude and joy, and go into the next year ready to treasure up all that God has in store for us.

Saying Goodbye

When I chose my "word" this year--raphah, "let go"--I expected it to be hard. I was actually scared to choose it because I had a feeling it would be the most challenging word I've focused on yet. I figured I would have to learn a lot about "losing" my perceived control over things, and being ok with it. I was aware that I would need to loosen my grip on expectations I had for myself, others, and my circumstances. I prepared myself to grow in my ability to "just roll with it" and not have to know all the plans, all the time. But what I didn't expect, and what I never realized would be the hardest part of all this, was how many relationships God would call me to let go and say goodbye to; to lose; to mourn. I've touched on this before when I shared about leaving the church we had attended for over a decade. That was a loss, something I needed to let go of in order to move into the new. 

Even since then, though, God is making me aware that as I finish up this year, He's going to have me let go of even more, to say goodbye (or at least "see you later") to people, places, and things I dearly love. I wasn't ready for that. The last two years have already been filled with loss and grief and mourning as I said goodbye to both of my grandfathers, who passed away less than a year apart; I do not want to do that anymore. I don't want to process loss again. I don't want to feel that deep grief and the ache of "missing" someone I love. In spite of my deep desire not to "do grief" anymore, though, God is making it clear that it's something He has for me in this season, something He wants me to lean on Him through and allow Him to use to shape me even more into who He made me to be. Here is what I am learning about saying goodbye and letting go of relationships I care deeply about.

Make the most of every moment you do get.

I have a good friend who has taught me the importance of savoring each moment you get with someone rather than mourning the fact that you have to say goodbye soon. Sometimes I get so caught up in realizing how much I will miss someone that I forget to enjoy them while I still have them! It's so important not to get so focused on the fact that you are losing a relationship (or at least facing major changes in it) that you forget to savor the gifts you still have in it right now. So be purposeful in your relationships. Go on adventures; spend time together; give as many hugs as you can; take pictures; laugh together. Fill up your bucket of sweet memories so that you have a deep well to draw from later on and can have the peace and gratitude of knowing you made the most of your time together.

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time..." (Ephesians 5:15-16)

Rather than being angry that something is ending, focus on being thankful for the time you had. 

It's so easy to fall into the trap of anger and bitterness over losing something or someone we love, whether that is from a death, a move, or a break in the relationship. It's hard to let go of things or people that have meant a lot to us, and much like a child who throws a tantrum over needing to let go of an old, broken (but still loved) toy, we can throw our own version of a temper tantrum when God says it's time to say goodbye. "But that's not fair! Why would you allow that? Why did you even let me grow so attached if you were just going to take it away?" Rather than focusing on the fact that we can't have this anymore, though, we can try to shift our perspective to remembering all of the good we enjoyed and thanking God for that. We are not promised any set amount of time with any person, group, or relationship, so whatever we are given is a gift from God to be cherished and enjoyed. It can still be very painful to think back on all of the good this person brought to us and to realize we can't have that anymore, but I believe it still protects against bitterness. It is actually physiologically impossible to be thankful and bitter at the same time, so when you find yourself falling into anger or bitterness, strive to dwell on everything you were thankful for with this relationship and praise God for that.

"I thank my God every time I remember you." (Philippians 1:3)

Look to God as your Comfort, and then share His comfort with others

Nobody knows the pain of goodbyes like our wonderful Savior. Jesus faced every kind of goodbye you can imagine: People He loved died; He was abandoned by His closest followers when He needed them most; He was betrayed by someone who promised he would always be there for Him. Jesus knows your pain, no matter what kind of goodbye you are facing, so turn to Him. Share your anger, hurt, confusion, and sense of abandonment; He felt all of those things Himself and is the best confidant and comforter you could hope for. And once you are beyond the initial grief and loss, you will be able to help others in their own seasons of loss.
 In this time of goodbyes and letting go of so many people I love, I have found God to be so faithful and loving in His comfort. While I would much rather just not have to face goodbyes at all, I can see that God is using it to help me grow closer to Him, and I also know that it will help me to be able to minister to others who are saying their own goodbyes.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

I think the reason goodbyes are so painful and difficult is because they were never what God intended. When He created the world, He planned for everyone to be together with Him, enjoying sweet fellowship for all Eternity. When sin entered the world, it brought with it separation from God, as well as every kind of goodbye we now face with other relationships. What amazing comfort it is, though, to realize that we never have to say goodbye to fellow believers forever. Not even death can permanently separate us from our brothers and sisters in Christ! We may not get to see some of them anymore on this side of Heaven, or have a restored relationship that has been broken, but can you imagine the beautiful and amazing reunion we will experience later? And when that happens, we will never, ever have to say goodbye again. And that, my friends, is something worth holding on to even as we learn to let go here on earth. 

Do It Scared

Have you ever gone about your regular routine and have it end up leading to a "milestone moment"? You know, the kind of moment that you look back on later and realize it totally changed you? That happened to me a couple weeks ago. I’ve been attending a fabulous workout/dance class called REFIT that is basically dancing like crazy for an hour and having a blast, followed by an encouraging message and prayer. It’s my favorite workout ever, and something that I've done almost every week for about 4 years now. In spite of all of that time, though, and the fact that I've learned the dances pretty well, I’d never once wanted to be up on the stage leading a song like the amazing instructors I've had do week in and week out. I remember my first REFIT instructors having a song where they would randomly select people in the crowd to go up on stage and dance, and I would literally flee the room when I knew that was happening. I DID NOT want that kind of attention or pressure! I was content to stay in the back row, hidden in the shadows, enjoying the workout as well as the anonymity.

Fast forward a couple of years and now one of my closest friends teaches my REFIT class. I've been able to overcome my need to stay in the back row, and actually prefer to be in the front row of class so I can see better (being barely 5 feet tall doesn't lend itself well to seeing my teachers from behind other people). On this particular night, my friend pulled me aside and told me she had noticed that I knew the dances well, and I had what it takes to lead a song “sometime." "You know what you're doing!" she said, "So that means you're ready to lead a song or two." I was flattered, of course, especially having it come from someone I admire so much, and I told her “Sure, ok, yeah. I think I could do that now, sometime, as long as I had time to practice beforehand.” Then I let it go, figuring I didn't need to worry about it for at least another week, when the next class would be. 

Well, halfway into that class, that very night, my friend called me out. "Hey! You know this song. Come up here.” 

>>>Head over to Raising Rices' blog to read what happened next.<<<