Let there Be Light

Maybe it's because I've been in a time of darkness in the last few weeks, fighting that same old battle with depression that likes to spring up from time to time, but I have been feeling very drawn to how God's Word is referred to as "light". There were quite a few verses in my Bible reading time this week that talked about how God's Word is a light (coincidence? I think not) and as I've studied more about this, I've found that there are many ways the Bible acts as a light in our lives. Here are some examples of how that happens.

1. God's Word guides us when we don't know where to go
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Psalm 119:105)

The first thought that came to mind for me was that God's Word sheds light on our path when we feel lost, uncertain of where to go, or "stuck" in life. I tend to be a "planner", and I like to know what is going to happen, when it will occur, and what I can do to best prepare for it. Of course, we all know that's not how life works. There are countless unknowns, and trying to control everything will just lead to frustration and defeat. God's Word has been very reassuring to me as I strive to let go of that need to "know" and control my plans, and has been a wonderful source of wisdom and insight when I have major decisions to make. My mom had some good wisdom for me regarding this very thing. She reminded me that God promises us a lamp to show us the very next step--not a floodlight that illuminates the entire area so that we can see everything that's going to happen. In His wisdom, God knows to give us just enough guidance and direction to help us in the here and now, but not so much that we are overwhelmed thinking about what is to come.

2. God's Word breaks through times of darkness

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5)

This summer I was blessed to go on a special trip with my husband to celebrate 10 years of marriage. We had a blast eating awesome food, talking together, and enjoying all kinds of fun adventures. One of the coolest things we got to do together was to explore a lava cave, something neither of us had ever done and were so excited to experience. We rented small headlamps at the mouth of the cave and descended hundreds of stairs down into the gloom. At first it wasn't too terribly dark as we still had some sunlight filtering through to light the way. Eventually, though, the only light available came from those little headlamps. It was an eerie feeling, only being able to see a few feet ahead of us, and feeling the darkness close in behind. At one point we found ourselves without any of the other tourists around, and my husband exclaimed that we should turn off our lights and see how dark it was. I wasn't particularly thrilled with this plan, but I figured a few seconds would be fine. We switched off the lights, and I instantly felt suffocated by the darkness. I've never experienced anything like it; I could physically feel the blackness pressing in around me, and panic starting to surface. "Ok, that's enough of that!" I stated, and switched my little light back on. As light spilled out around us, the oppressive feeling vanished. It was a very powerful image for me, realizing how quickly the light filled in all of the spaces it could reach, and how much better I felt having even that tiny little headlamp

I've battled depression for most of my life, so I'm not a stranger to times of emotional or spiritual darkness. A lot of times it feels much like that blackness in the cave: oppressive, all-consuming, even panic-inducing. But just like turning our little lights on completely chased the dark away, God's Word has the power to break through times of darkness in our lives and provide the hope and encouragement that we need most. 

3. God's Word gives us courage to face the storms

"The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1)

Just like a lighthouse can cut through gloom and fog to guide ships safely into harbor, God's Word is a beacon of hope for every stormy trial we face. It's so, so easy to get side-tracked by the giant waves and the rolling thunder of life's storms, but a well-timed verse or passage of Scripture can catch our attention and refocus us on the One who controls the wind and the waves. Remembering Who God is and all He has done as documented in His Word makes even the fiercest storms come back into perspective for us; provides comfort when everything around is chaos; and guides us safely back where we need to be.

4. God's Word reveals the unknown. 

"The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple." (Psalm 119:130)

The last thing I thought of that light does for us is to reveal hidden things to us. I wake up really early most days of the week so that I can get a workout in before the rest of my family wakes up; so early that even the sun isn't up yet! Since I want to keep the rest of my family asleep, I always try to maneuver my way through most of the house without having any lights on, and there have been plenty of times I've run into items, stepped on things, or bumped into walls. Anybody who has had to fumble their way through a dark room understands this! Having the lights on reveals any hidden obstacles we might encounter, makes it easier to find things we may be looking for, and protects us from injury. In much the same way, God's Word can act as a light that reveals things we may not otherwise see in ourselves or others. Sometimes it helps us to discover a gift or talent; sometimes it convicts us of sin we didn't even know was there; sometimes it shows us a beautiful new truth about God...The Bible is a constant source of wisdom and insight, and God uses it to reveal things we would otherwise never learn!

I love the thought of God's Word acting as a light in my life. It provides so much comfort and reassurance knowing that I always have a source of guidance, hope, strength, and insight waiting for me to access in the pages of my Bible. God is so good to give us such a priceless tool, isn't He? Let's make sure we take advantage of it and read it as often as we can. Goodness knows we could all use a little more Light in our lives, right?

A Page of Thankfulness

As I wrap up my Thanksgiving Day and get ready to head to bed, I wanted to share the things I wrote in my prayer journal this morning as a gratitude exercise. The last few weeks have been a bit of a "doozy", with lots of changes and attacks from the Evil One, so my emotions have been all over the place. In the last few days I've felt especially downhearted and "heavy", so I'm sad to say that gratitude hasn't been first on my mind. Today, though, I knew I wanted to at least try to focus on saying thank you to God for all of the things He's done, so I decided to just start with one page of things to be thankful for. That didn't seem too overwhelming, so I began. As I'm sure you've guessed, once I started, it got easier and easier to list things off. I'm so glad I was able to start my day this way, and now can end it by writing it all out here.  

~Salvation; being completely set free from every sin I've ever done or will ever do through Christ's death on the cross

~Sanctification; being viewed by my Heavenly Father as completely pure and good because He sees me through the lens of His sinless Son; the promise of being made more and more into His image

~Perfect love from my wonderful Abba God, and the resulting trust and peace that brings

~Being married; experiencing the amazing gift of having a husband (one who loves God, me, and our kids) and knowing I always have a teammate, protector, and friend at my side

~Motherhood, the blessing, honor, and privilege of raising up my precious, funny, sweet children to love and serve God

~Close, meaningful relationships with parents, siblings, and grandparents; the amazing gift of growing up in a family that loved God and me, and that continues to invest in my life and makes my days richer and brighter.

~Uncommon friends, "sisters" I got to choose (and who chose me). Women who bless me; build me up in the Lord; cheer me on; know & accept me; and bring great joy to my life.

~God's faithful provision of all that I need--physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Being able to trust that He gives me what is best; if I don't have it, then it isn't what is best right now.

~God's protection over me and my family; having peace knowing He is watching over us

~Health--the ability to see, hear, taste, smell, feel, and move. Having a body that almost always works as it should and that doesn't experience constant pain or sickness.

~God working in even my trials and sorrows to bring about good: using depression to draw me closer to Him; Satan's attacks to make me strong; loss to make me appreciate what I have more.

~All of the talents and gifts God has blessed me with and allows me to use to serve Him and to help others

I hope all of you had a very happy Thanksgiving, and are able to make your own "page [or more] of thankfulness". I'm thankful to each and every one of you who take time to share in this blog with me!

Behold, I am Doing a New Thing

A few weeks ago God taught me another lesson in letting go. That has been my theme for this year, and He's already taught me so much in this that I was honestly a bit surprised to realize He had even more for me to take in! See, I had made the difficult decision to step down as a small group leader in the mom's group of the church I used to attend. This was the last "tie" I had to that church, the last thing I was involved with, so it was a decision I did not enter lightly and that brought up a lot of emotions.

Head over to Raising Rices to read about how God used this transition to teach me about letting go of the old to embrace the new He has for me.

Going Into Battle

This week was a hard one for me, and for a lot of my close friends. It was almost like Satan pulled the pin out of a grenade and tossed it into our midst, and we are still reeling. Some of us are in a very hard season of waiting and just really longing for this season to end; some have been facing ongoing sickness or chronic pain; some are preparing for a major life change and the resulting tension from that; and some are struggling with value and worth. Usually, we can handle our ongoing trials pretty well, keep a good perspective, and stay faithful and positive. This week, though, was different. There is an added "heaviness", and the trials and challenges seem more personal somehow, tailored just right to try to completely derail us. We are all under intense spiritual attack, far beyond the typical struggles and challenges of regular life.

So what now? What do we do when we find ourselves suddenly attacked in a deep, personal way--Satan "going for the jugular" so to speak? Here is what God is speaking to me about being under attack, even now, as I process through this rough week.

It's a reminder to turn to God. As wonderful as my "tribe" is, and as much as I love and appreciate them, they are not a replacement for my Heavenly Father. Honestly, this can be a struggle for me. I long for connection with others, especially those I am blessed enough to feel safe and "real" with, and it's far too easy for me to mistakenly place my wonderful family and friends in a spot that God wants me to keep free for Him. I think one thing God is teaching me through this is that I need to remember to keep Him my first resource and main comfort. This also means I shouldn't try to rely on myself--on my own strength, courage, or stamina. If I do that, I will not be able to endure when the attacks come. Nobody understands more than God does, and nobody can comfort, encourage, and equip me better than He can. 

"Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul." (Psalm 54:4)

It's actually a good sign to be under attack. Satan doesn't attack people who aren't a threat to him; he wants to save his energy and resources for those that God is working on and preparing for some kind of important Kingdom work. My dad actually shared a neat illustration from John Piper's Podcast this last weekend about this very thing. In the podcast, John Piper describes our Christian walk like driving on a racetrack. While we are racing, we have an opponent (Satan) who obviously doesn't want us to win, so he does all he can to stop us, including throwing mud on our windshield. He wouldn't bother to do this if we were on the wrong track, of course, because there wouldn't be a risk of us beating him!
Each one of my sweet friends that have been under attack this week are doing, or are about to do, amazing things for God: one is an awesome, godly mommy due with her next baby any day; one is getting ready to move to a different country to be a missionary; one has adopted her current precious children and is moving toward adopting her foster kids, giving them a godly home they would never had otherwise had; and yet another is leading and preparing for a mission trip next year that is undoubtedly going to change lives. This is all amazing, God-honoring, Kingdom-building work! Satan DOES NOT want that to happen, so he is on the attack in big ways. Knowing this is actually rather encouraging in ways, because we can know that #1, God is doing things in our lives and helping us to grow, and #2 we are on the "right track" and are actually a viable threat to the Evil One.

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world." (1 Peter 5:8-9)

God prepared me for this. In contrast to this week, last week was an awesome week for me. There were hard moments, but God was working in big ways. I saw so much evidence of how He has worked in my life, changing me and equipping me to be who He's called me to be; I experienced really awesome moments with family and friends that filled my heart up; I let go of another big part of the past in order to step into the future things God has for me; and I just felt totally overwhelmed by His goodness and blessings. In ways, going from "mountaintop moments" like that to being "bottomed out" this week was really, really hard; but another way to look at it is that God gave me the awesome experiences from last week to "fill me up" in preparation for this week. God knew what was going to happen; it wasn't at all surprising to Him that things kind of fell apart for me this week. Just like Satan saw God working and wanted to bring me down because of it, God foresaw what Satan would be up to and equipped me with extra joy, blessings, and truth to help me get through this. It's still hard. I've still had several moments where I wasn't sure I could keep going, and even more where I didn't want to. It's such a comfort and encouragement, though, to remember that God prepared me for this, and I really am going to get through it ok.

"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." (Psalm 18:32)

Watch for God to Work. So many times I have realized that God does the most work in me during the hard, sad seasons. I don't usually see evidence of that until the next "happy season", but I know that it is when I am knee-deep in the mire and worn out from battling that God is working on me the most. Remembering that helps me to hold onto hope, and to not give in to despair. I will look back on this season as a different person than I am today; I will thank God for how He shaped me and changed me; and I will rejoice and praise Him for the victory He will provide.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

Channel your inner warrior. When we are under attack, it isn't time to curl up in a ball and try to endure the blows the enemy deals us. It's time to put on our armor, strap on our weapons, and fight. I talked to my counselor about this week, and it was actually the first time in a long time that I cried. I felt frustrated to still be struggling so much with the same old lies Satan likes to use against me. I know the truth in my head, and I can repeat it over and over, but this week my heart was just quaking under the constant assault. I told her that the attacks from Satan were so intense this week that I felt like he was physically bearing down on me; like I was in the middle of a sword fight, our blades were locked up, and he was pressing me to the ground.
My counselor is so cool. She calmly listened to me cry, offered me a tissue, and then mused, "So...let's go with this picture. He's got you held down. You're holding your sword. He's got his and is really going at it. You're bent down under all that attack. So, now...are you just going to stay down there? Are you going to be all sweet and timid? Or are you going to channel your inner warrior and take. him. down?" (My counselor is also pretty awesome at inspiring action).

When I am under attack, I have to come to a point that I decide, "Enough is enough. I'm not taking this anymore." Satan knows just how to attack me, it's true. He knows my weaknesses; he knows exactly how, when, and through what he can do the most damage to my heart and send me reeling. My counselor even told me, "You're going to get scars. You're going to get hurt. But that doesn't mean you stop fighting." I have to say, I agree with her. There's no way I'm taking this lying down.

"Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm." (Ephesians 6:11-13)

This week has definitely not been "my favorite". It's exhausting, discouraging, and emotional to be battling the Enemy of our souls. Ultimately, though, I know these kinds of days will lead to a closer relationship with God; amazing work accomplished for the Kingdom; reminders of how God has prepared and equipped me; awesome "growth spurts" that will lead to me being closer to who God made me to be; and opportunities to channel my "inner warrior". It's going to be worth it, Guys. Keep battling, and then celebrate all together when the victory comes.

Not Unnoticed

In one of my recent sessions with my counselor, we were discussing all of the work and growth God has accomplished in my life since I started counseling about a year ago. Our times together have become much happier and even more fun lately, more about celebrating what God has done and not quite so much about confronting unhealthy thinking and beliefs. Toward the end of the time, she looked at me and mused,
"I wonder, Mary. What would it do for you to have others come to you, people who have known you through this process, and tell you, 'Hey. You're different now. I just wanted you to know, I see that."
 To my surprise, I suddenly broke down in tears. I hadn't even thought about it, but having her say that made me realize what that would mean to my heart. The past year had been so amazing, getting to see God work in my life in ways He never had before, but it was also very challenging and painful at times. "Rehashing" painful memories and hurt; being confronted with wrong thoughts or beliefs that I swore up and down were "right"; pretty much needing to let go of an entire identity in order to gain this new one...all of these things led to amazing results, but were intensely hard to walk through. To have others recognize that, though, and just acknowledge the change God has done? Wow. What a gift that would be.

It was immediately after that session that I stopped by a friend's house because she said she had found something she wanted to give me. This dear lady had found one of my favorite coffee drinks at the store and bought it for me, and she also included a little card with a message...all about noticing the work I was doing and the changes God was making. Needless to say, I cried for the second time that day! I still have that card and I read it often to remind myself of what God has done and of the amazing support I have.

All of this made me realize the gift it is just for others to notice us. I know sometimes we can get the idea that it's somehow wrong to want to be noticed. True, we don't want to turn into self-absorbed "prima donnas", constantly seeking the spotlight and commendation from others, and our ultimate goal is always to make God known more than ourselves, but I don't think that means we don't still long for others to really see us and care enough to tell us so. I say this a lot, but it bears repeating: God made us relational people. He uses others to speak to us, correct us, encourage us...notice us; and He wants us to share those gifts with others. After thinking through all of this, here are some ways I came up with to help us notice others.

Call Out  Each Other's "Sparkle" The other day a dear friend of mine "tagged" me on an Instagram post. It was a photo of a card that simply said, "Your sparkle has not gone unnoticed." Guys, that made my whole day. What a beautiful way to put it: your "sparkle". I don't know about you, but I love the idea that I somehow sparkle. It denotes a certain kind of fun, happy beauty, and even hints at the idea that we are sharing Light with others somehow ("In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." ~Matthew 5:16) When my friend took time to call that out in me and let me know she saw it, it truly blessed my heart, and it caused me to walk through the rest of the day with so much joy (and yes, some sparkle too.) Take time to tell others the beauty and goodness that you see in them; I guarantee you it will make their day.

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Recognize Growth and Changes Made. Like my sweet friend did for me with that card, we can bless and spur one another on simply by recognizing growth and changes in each other. Think about the last time you tried to lose weight, or make some other change for the better. How much did it mean each time someone recognized the effort you were making and noticed the changes? For me, it makes me willing to keep working toward my goals, as hard as the process can be, simply because I know it's making a noticeable difference. Try to notice the efforts those around you are making in order to better themselves, and share with them the changes you see. You just might be the "wind in their sails" to keep them going.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)

Be Aware of Pain and Sadness. One of the hardest parts of dealing with anxiety and depression is how isolating it can feel. I don't want to be seen as a complainer, or bring others down, so I feel like I need to hide my negative emotions and "put on a happy face", or hide away until I can pull myself together. I think also that as Christians, we can fall into the thinking that we will somehow lose our testimony if we appear anything less than joyful, or at very least end up as a terrible example of the full and abundant life we are given in Christ. With all of that, I tend to try to hide when I am struggling with getting my negative emotions back under control, or at least attempt to minimize them. I wish I could express what it means, then, for someone to notice even small signs that I am struggling, and to simply check in. I have one friend who will just straight-up say, "You look forlorn. What's up?" if she notices I'm not as "bubbly" as usual. One of my sweet sisters-in-love is very aware and sensitive to how others are feeling, and she has a gift of knowing when I need an extra-long hug. Just knowing that people are aware that I'm struggling really "takes the edge off" when I am feeling down. If you notice someone not acting like they usually do, take time to check in. Sometimes they won't want to share, and that's ok; it still means so much to know people are aware and care.

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." (Proverbs 12:25)

I don't want to give the idea that we should seek others' attention or commendation before or above God's; our Heavenly Father is always the only One who can perfectly notice us, understand us, and encourage us. With that said, let's try to at least be reflections of His perfect love and care, and do what we can to make sure those He places in our path do not go unnoticed. 

Did You Think To Pray?

A few weeks ago my son came down with a terrible case of croup. Now, we've dealt with croup several times, but this time was different. This time all of our usual "tricks" didn't work, or were a very short-term fix; within an hour our boy was once again coughing and wheezing, and was beginning to seriously struggle to breathe.

After the third time being woken up by an "attack", we finally decided to pack him up and get him to the ER. As I loaded him into the car, though, he suddenly began to panic and sobbed out, "My chest hurts!" Of course, adding crying to croup is not a good mix, and his already labored breathing instantly worsened. This was probably one of the most helpless moments of my life. I knew I couldn't do anything to help him, and I began to wonder if I should just call an ambulance for him. 

~~~Read the rest of the story over at Raising Rices where I am honored to share how God used this scary situation to teach me more about prayer ~~~