We hear a lot about "being yourself" in this world. "Don't hide who you are" and "shine bright" are pretty popular taglines in this day and age. I think that's all well and good, and I do agree that we should definitely be true to who God made us to be; I find in my own life, though, that it's hard for me to take advice or recommendations unless I know the reasons why I should. Why should I be myself? Why should I take the risk of being hurt and reveal my heart to others? Because as much as we hear that exhortation to "be true to you", I think that oftentimes people barely gloss over, or even totally ignore, the fact that doing that is a risk. We risk being hurt, rejected, made fun of, demeaned, and torn down when we open the curtains and let people see the real us. I don't know about you, but I need some pretty solid reasons to take that leap of faith before I do it!
I am a pretty open person in general and try to be "real" and genuine, but I still struggle with this. I have lots of insecurities, fears, and uncertainties about myself, and like many others I have felt the sting of letting someone in only to have them crush my heart. I think there is wisdom in not opening up too soon to just any person; we want to make sure we are entrusting our hearts to people that are trustworthy. Still, we don't want to be so scared of others' opinions that we end up hiding the person God wants to be seen. So, I've been working on that in my own life in the last few months, and here are some of the things I've learned so far.
1.) You can minister much more effectively when people know the real you.
Opening up about my struggles with anxiety and depression has provided me with so many opportunities to talk to others that I wouldn't have otherwise had. There's something about somebody confessing a struggle that makes others more willing to share their own. If we never revealed our struggles or weaknesses, we would limit others' willingness to open up with us about their own. When you are real and genuine with people, they will almost always do the same for you, giving you the opportunity to love and minister to them in a deeper and more meaningful way.
Another thing that happens when we let others see the parts of us that we don't really like is that it helps them to grow and mature. Let's accept it; all of us have things about us that are going to rub people the wrong way or irritate them. This is something I really don't like; I do everything in my power to not be an annoyance to those around me. However, maybe there's a reason God wants the people around us to deal with those things that irritate or stretch them. How else would they grow? Maybe God wants to use your emotional reactions to teach others patience and grace. Maybe He wants to use your silliness to help an uptight friend loosen up. You just never know how God wants to grow those around you by using your perceived weaknesses and struggles. If you limit or try to eliminate those traits, you may be taking away a tool that God wants to use to grow the people you interact with.
2.) You limit your ability to complete the work God has for you when you hide who you are.
In counseling recently, I realized that I have been holding onto a false belief about myself that has caused me to hide a lot of who I am. My counselor encouraged me to get to the bottom of it so that we could start dealing with it and help me to be more open, and gave several reasons why this needed to happen; but the one that stuck with me the most was this: if I chose to keep hiding, stuffing my heart down deep inside, I would smother the potential and gifts that God has given me to do His work. Choosing to hide behind a false front deeply limits our potential. It's distracting to have to constantly focus on hiding ourselves! If we spend a lot of energy and time focusing on not letting the things we are ashamed of in ourselves peek out, that distracts us from putting all of our focus into the work God has for us! It's only when we can relax and stop hiding that we are able to really minister and serve as God desires.
3.) Hiding the things we are ashamed of often limits or even eliminates our greatest attributes.
My husband and I are watching a TV show called "Monk" about a very gifted police detective who lost his wife and now struggles with intense OCD and several phobias. It can be a hard show to watch, for sure, but is one that I'm actually learning a lot from! In a recent episode we watched, Monk admits to his counselor that he is tired of being him, and he wishes he could just be a normal person. He is so torn up over how his struggles are ruining his life and others', and cries out that he just wants to be a happy, normal guy. I'll confess, I teared up a bit watching that; I could so relate to poor Monk. There have been many times that I have wished I could just stop being me--stop feeling so much, stop caring so deeply, and just stop struggling with things all the time.
Well, Monk's counselor offers him medication that is supposed to help limit his OCD and anxieties, and Monk gives it a try. Guess what? It works! Monk gets the experience of being free from all of his struggles, and is a "normal" guy.
However, this new normal is not so great. He actually becomes very arrogant, rude, distracted...and worst of all, he loses his amazing attention to detail, which was his greatest strength as a detective and was the gift that enabled him to solve crimes no one else could. See, it turned out that the reason he was able to do what he did was because of his OCD and fears. By getting rid of those, he also consequently lost everything he was good at. It wasn't until he stopped taking the medication and went back to dealing with constant fears and OCD that he was able to once again take note of things others had missed, and solve the current case.
I believe that we can't selectively hide ourselves. If we choose to hide one thing, it automatically impacts another part of ourselves. If I choose to minimize and cover over how emotional I really am by putting on a tough act, I also consequently deaden the empathy and compassion God has given me for others. If I decide my need for quality time and kind words is an annoyance to others, I also lose my ability to recognize and meet those needs in others. God made us who we are in order to accomplish His purposes, and even though being in a fallen world has definitely twisted and morphed that, I believe He uses both our weaknesses and our strengths to accomplish His will. What if the thing you are most ashamed of, and that you wish with all your heart could just go away, is the very thing that God is using to accomplish His best work in your life?
I know that "be yourself" has become almost trite in this day and age. We hear it from everyone and see it posted on everything from T-shirts to drink cups! However, I think it's time that we revive it for what it was meant to be: remembering that God created each of us uniquely, and placed us where we are for His perfect purposes. You have immense value simply because of how He created you, and you cannot fully honor Him or serve others to the max unless you "be yourself." So let's do this, Gang. No more hiding. Let your light shine; show your true colors; be who you were made to be, and watch God work through you.
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