He Gives...and Takes Away

I've been in a season of "taking away" lately, where God is taking a lot of things out of my life, or at the very least changing them in big ways (ways that I am not exactly a fan of). I wish I could say I've responded with complete faith, trust, and joyful submission...but that's not exactly accurate.

I think I did ok for the first few "take-aways"--

"Change churches? Oh. That's gonna hurt. Well, ok. I can do that."

 "My favorite gym teachers are leaving? And the classes I enjoy and that give me such a good outlet won't be the same? Well...alright."

"A close family member is suddenly going away? Ok...that's super hard...but I trust You."

As months have gone by, though, with more and more being taken away, I must confess that the pain and grief and transition has gotten to be a bit much. It has felt like the majority of the things in my life that make me the happiest are disappearing one by one, and rather than easing up as the weeks progress, they are vanishing faster and faster, and getting harder and harder to deal with. It's honestly taken my breath away and left me reeling. About a week ago I reached a bit of a crisis point: am I going to choose to continue forward in faith, knowing that things are likely going to get harder before they get better? Or am I going to lay down and quit? 

I won't lie; I've been severely tempted to do the latter. It's hard to keep getting up, keep battling, keep hoping for things to get better while bracing myself against the pain when it doesn't. A close friend reminded me, though, that giving up and turning away won't make the pain stop. It will just take away another thing, the most important thing I have to get me through this time. So, I'm getting up. I'm continuing through the season. And I know I'm learning things I could never learn any other way. If any of you are in a season of loss, of facing lots of "taking away", here are some things I am clinging to that I hope will be encouraging to you as well.

1. Remember Who God Is. In the midst of this season I have felt pretty desperate to cling to every single little thing I have left, and have struggled to just trust God and leave it all in His hands. It's hard to trust Someone that you fear is going to take away everything you love. That is not at all an accurate picture of God, though; even in the hardest moments I've known my image of Him is skewed. He is the same God now that He was back in the seasons of abundant blessings and "giving" that I got to enjoy just a few months back. God does not change; it is my own fallible perception of Him that does. He is a loving Father who gives good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:11); He is the Provider of everything we need (Philippians 4:19); He even says that if you "open your mouth wide, He will fill it" (Psalm 81:10). God is not a Taker; He is a Giver. And even in all of this taking away, I know He is giving to me through it--providing lessons, growth, and maturity I can't gain any other way. 
This quote has really spoken to me in this season, "The wisdom of God tells us that God will bring about the best possible results, by the best possible means, for the most possible people, for the longest possible time." (Dr. Charles Ryrie) Ultimately, God is all-wise, and knows so, so much more than I could ever grasp. He knows I can't learn what I'm learning any other way; if there was a less painful way, He WOULD use it. This season also isn't just about me, or today, or my little blip-of-a-life. God is working in multiple people, and sees the entirety of time and how what happens now will impact Eternity. He sees the big picture, and I need to trust that He's got it figured out. Somehow, the taking away right now is going to lead to ultimate good for more people, for eternity.

2. Trust That There Are Good Things Ahead. About a week ago I was at a very low point, and my sweet mom called to check in. I told her that I was grieving losing so much and was afraid that things would never get better, and she reminded me that there are still good gifts to come, too, and that I needed to try to look ahead to those. In the moment I couldn't take in that wisdom and truth, and I instead burst into tears and exclaimed, "I don't care. I don't want the new gifts. I want what I had." Now, that whole concept of just wanting what we had is part of the grieving/letting go process; it's healthy and normal to feel that way. On the other hand, we can't stay there. I've written about this before (which should mean I remember it and live it out really well, right?) but it bears repeating: we can't accept the new gifts until we let go of the old. I have a precious friend who put it well: it's easy to let go of things in the past that have turned out to not be very good anymore, to have God "exchange beauty for ashes." But what about when God wants to exchange one beautiful and amazing gift that we still deeply love, for another gift that we just can't imagine could ever be as good? Well, that's where faith comes in. That's where you preach to yourself, again and again and again, that if God said it, then it's true: "I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
That same day that I had my meltdown in the conversation with my poor mom, I was in a store and saw a sign with a quote by C.S. Lewis: "There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind." I honestly can't see that right now, and everything in my heart and mind recoils from that statement. But my spirit, the part of me that is clinging to truth and striving to believe, knows that it's true. So I have to keep moving forward, and seek to find those good gifts that are coming.

3. Don't Lose Sight of the Good That is Still Here. It's easy in these kinds of seasons to get bogged down with "everything" being bad. If we aren't careful, we can fall into the habit of only seeing the things that are painful or hard and completely overlooking anything good. There is always, always something good happening, even in the midst of grief and pain. I think it takes an insane amount of maturity and God's grace to be able to see good in some circumstances, but it is there. I know I need to be better at this skill during this season, to not train my eyes to only see the pain, but to take the extra effort to notice the grace, provision, and comfort God is providing. I am experiencing closer fellowship with dear friends in a similar season because of the losses we are sharing; I am seeing more and more people show up in my life to be a support and comfort in ways I wouldn't otherwise see; I am more purposeful in enjoying the sweet things that are still in my life, realizing how precious they are since I've lost others; I am relying on God more and more, turning to Him to get me through each day (or sometimes each hour); and I know that ultimately, I am going to grow in faith and love and hope and all of the character qualities I want to have. All of these things are very, very good; and they could never have come about unless my circumstances were what they are.

In the book of Job, we read about a man who lost literally everything. His possessions, his children, even his health were all taken away at once, to the point that the people who came to share the tragic news didn't even have time to finish talking before another "bearer of bad news" showed up. I don't know about you, but I think that would just about do me in. But Job's response is stunning: "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." (Job 1:21) God gives us things--good health, precious friendships, close family, abundant provision. And sometimes, He takes them away. Maybe we won't ever understand the entirety of why He takes them; and really, that isn't the point. The main point is that we remember Who He is, trust in his sovereign wisdom and love as we look to the future, and remember to keep our eyes open to His goodness even in this time of loss. Hopefully with each season of "taking away", we are able to grow more and more mature and will be able to enjoy the seasons of "giving" even more when they come back around. Because they will come back around. Meanwhile, let's strive to wait for them well and trust God in the taking away.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

A few summers back, a close friend made the announcement that she and her family were called to become foreign missionaries. She had been telling our little group for a while that she and her husband felt that God wanted them in full-time ministry, but I don't think anyone expected it to be that! Still, we all felt very proud of our dear friend, and excited for the adventure she was setting out on with God's leading.

In those early months, the biggest struggle for her was actually being "stuck"; it was too early to start the process of applications, downsizing, or really any preparations at all. She knew what God wanted her to do, but for the time being she needed to just stay put and be faithful. She was in a season of waiting, and it was not easy! I remember her bringing up a quote later on that really spoke to her and felt like God's instructions for the time being: "bloom where you are planted." 

My friend took that encouragement to heart and strove to really live it out in her season of waiting. God wanted her to become a full-time missionary, yes; but for the moment, He wanted her to stay faithful in what He already had for her as a wife, homeschool mama, friend, and youth group leader at her church; to not just survive the waiting period but to prosper, produce beauty, mature, and become all that He intended before she left. 

Maybe some of you are in a time of waiting like my friend was. Maybe you feel "stuck", wanting to move forward into the next season, but are called to stay right where you are for now. If so, here is some encouragement for how you can "bloom" where you are planted.

Stop fighting the Gardener. The first thing to do if you want to bloom is to let God plant you. Stop fighting Him, and trust that He has you exactly where He wants you. Any good gardener knows exactly where to put each flower or plant--what kind of soil to use, the right balance of sun and shade, and the correct access to just enough water (but not too much). If fallible human gardeners are wise enough to do that, how much more can the Heavenly Gardener find the right place for each of us? In His infinite wisdom, God has placed you where you are in order to do the most work; let Him plant you. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)

Trust the Gardener for Nourishment. I realize seeds don't have feelings or thoughts, but let's imagine for a minute what it's like to be one: stuck in the cold ground, covered with dirt, and left in darkness for weeks. Not a very fun experience, right? Likewise, being "planted" in life can feel dark and scary...even hopeless. Sometimes it seems like nobody sees you, faithfully plugging away under the surface, and you long to be able to show forth the beauty God has promised to reveal. Sometimes the weight of the dirt and rocks feels crushing, and you don't know if you will be able to even push through to the surface when the time comes. Yet the ever-faithful Gardener is there, providing all you need to grow, sprout, and eventually blossom. Trust Him to give you what you need, and hold onto the hope that everything He does will lead to your triumphant blooming. "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:19)

Bloom for the Gardener! It's always fun and exciting as winter ends and spring begins to start seeing little green shoots popping up out of the ground. Those mini green markers signal the start of something so beautiful and hopeful! How disappointing would it be, though, if they just stayed tiny green sprouts and never grew and bloomed into the flowers we are so eager to see? Once you get through that initial stage of being planted--when things start to look up, the "soil" isn't so hard to push through, and you begin to see some light and hope again, don't stop there. It's time to show forth all of that potential and beauty and growth! Just like the definition above explains, to bloom means to mature, to reach your full potential where you're at, to flourish, to glow. "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven." (Matthew 5:16, NKJV) There is nothing as satisfying, amazing, and beautiful as a person living in devotion to God. Do it in such a way that others see your beauty and are drawn back to the ever-faithful Gardener who planted you and cared for you in the first place.

It's been almost two years now since my precious friend had to learn to "bloom where she was planted", and now the time has come for her to be "transplanted". Within the next 2 months, my friend and her family will sell their home and the majority of their possessions, move into an RV, and leave everything they have grown to love in order to fulfill the beautiful calling God has given them. For a while they will travel the country to raise the money they need to start their ministry, and then they will board a plane to travel to their new home in Ecuador, where I know they will not just bloom, but will absolutely blossom for our Wonderful Gardener.

Well done, Emily. What a beautiful "blossom" you have been in my life, and the lives of everyone you have touched while planted here. Thank you for being such an awesome example of blooming where you are planted. 

To stay up-to-date on my friend and her family's amazing journey, follow their blog at https://ecuador-bound.com/

Start with Worship: Songs and Truths for the New Year

I don't know about you guys, but for me, there is something about worship songs that have the potential to really penetrate deep into my heart like few other modes of communication can do. Hearing  God's Truths set to beautiful music makes the walls around my heart and spirit fall down and enables me to take in His voice more than anything else can, except reading His Word itself. There are a few specific songs I've been listening to recently that I feel have wonderful messages for this season of us starting a New Year,and I wanted to share them, along with some Bible verses that correlate. I hope they will encourage and inspire each of you as we set out on a fresh new year.

Hillsong Young and Free, "III"

1. Highs and Lows, by Hillsong Young & Free

When it feels like the dark

Lingers longer than the night

When the shadows feel like giants

Are You chasing me down?

Tell me where could I run

From Your light, where could I hide

Hemmed within Your precious thoughts

There's no hiding from Your love

Highs and lows

Lord, You're with me either way it goes

Should I rise or should I fall

Even so
Lord your mercy is an even flow
You're too good to let me go

Of course we all hope to have a year that brings happiness and blessing; why else would we all cheer and shout "Happy New Year" at the stroke of midnight on January 1st? Ultimately, though, it doesn't matter what kind of a year this is: a "high" year filled with abundant blessings, growth, and happiness; or a "low" year riddled with pain, grief, and challenges. Either way, we can rest assured that God is with us--even full-on chasing us down when needed! Whether we rise to the occasion and see victory and success this year, or if we completely fall flat and fail in all the ways we care about most, God's mercy continues to flow evenly throughout our lives; He is so, so good; and He is not letting us go. What beautiful truths to cling to for any new year!

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,  for darkness is as light to you." ~Psalm 139:7-12

Lauren Daigle "Look Up Child"

2. Everything, by Lauren Daigle

Even the oceans push and pull at Your command

So You can still my heart with Your hand

You tell the seasons when it's time for them to turn

So I will trust You even when it hurts

You give me everything

You give me everything

You give me everything I need

You give me everything

You give me everything

You give me everything I need

When I can't see, You lead me

When I can't hear, You show me

When I can't stand, You carry me

When I'm lost, You will find me

When I'm weak, You are mighty

You are everything I need

God is the perfect Provider. He sees each and every need we have, from physical needs like food and shelter, to emotional needs like companionship and comfort, and He provides for each and every one. As we start this new year, maybe you are facing anxieties about God coming through for you, meeting your needs, and taking care of the myriad of things life on this earth requires. Let me assure you, we can rest on the truth that He will care for us as only He can, meeting each and every need we have (even the ones we ourselves may not realize we have).

"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:31-34

The Belonging CO, "All the Earth"

3. Peace Be Still, by the Belonging Co

I don't want to be afraid

Every time I face the waves

I don't want to be afraid 

I don't want to be afraid

I don't want to fear the storm 

Just because I hear it roar

I don't want to fear the storm 

I don't want to fear the storm

Peace be still

Say the word and I will

Set my feet upon the sea 

Till I'm dancing in the deep

Oh peace be still

You are here so it is well

Even when my eyes can't see 

I will trust the voice that speaks (peace)

Every year holds the chance that we will at very least be pushed outside of our comfort zones, and sometimes even face downright scary situations and storms. I love the reminder here of Who is in control of every storm and has the power and ability to calm each and every one, as well as the exhortation to not fear whatever storms or waves may be coming our way. I don't know about you, but I for one do not want to go into this New Year with fear holding me back.  Even when all we can see are the waves and storms of the year ahead, we can make the choice to trust the One who spoke peace, remembering that He is here, so all truly is well.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ~Isaiah 41:10

Sanctus Real, "Changed"

4. Confidence, by Sanctus Real

I’m not a warrior

I’m too afraid to lose

I feel unqualified for what you’re calling me to

But Lord with your strength

I’ve got no excuse

'Cause broken people are exactly who you use

So give me faith like Daniel in the lion’s den

Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness

Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense

So I can face my giants with confidence

That line about feeling unqualified for what God is calling me to do rings so very true for me this year. There is a lot that I feel God asking me to obey Him on this year that leaves me feeling completely at a loss for how to even begin to carry it out. Can anyone else relate to that? I think it's a pretty common scenario to feel called into things that are just not in the realm of possibility for us to accomplish ourselves. Ultimately, though, it won't be us fulfilling His callings; God uses broken people--US-- to do His work, and HE provides the strength and ability to carry it out.  Throughout His Word He gives examples of broken, weak, scared, sinful people being used by Him to do amazing things. We can have confidence that He will equip and enable us to do whatever He calls us to this year.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." ~2 Corinthians 12:9

Elevation Worship, "There is a Cloud"

5. Do It Again, by Elevation Worship

Walking around these walls

I thought by now they'd fall

But You have never failed me yet

Waiting for change to come

Knowing the battle's won

For You have never failed me yet

Your promise still stands

Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness

I'm still in Your hands

This is my confidence, You've never failed me yet

I've seen You move, come move the mountains

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

You made a way, where there was no way

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

I think one of the biggest truths to hold onto as we set out on a New Year is to remember that God has never failed us yet. Think back on all of the New Years you've had up to this point, on all of the things God has done, on His faithfulness. How could He not continue that this year (and every New Year to come)? God promises to be faithful, to never leave us or forsake us, and to carry us through no matter what. When you start to doubt that He will be anything less than faithful, remind yourself of everything He's done up to this point, and believe that He will do it again.

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord;

    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

I will consider all your works

    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.

Your ways, God, are holy.

    What god is as great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles;

    you display your power among the peoples."
~Psalm 77:11-14

The beginning of a New Year is a unique season, and it holds a lot of different emotions: excitement, hope, eagerness...and sometimes fear, overwhelm, or dread. However you are starting this New Year, I hope listening to the songs above and taking in the truth of God's Word will give you renewed faith and perspective on living with and for Him this year.