Uncommon Friends

A few years ago a precious lady who is now one of my closest friends met up with me and we talked about our mutual desire to have more authentic, close relationships. We were discouraged by the "surface level" friendships abounding in our Facebook "friends" world, and were yearning for something more. Rather than leaving it at a simple conversation, though, this dear friend of mine decided to do something about it. She started a group that would meet weekly to workout together and then share Bible reading and prayer requests, and with that, "Faith and Fitness" was born.

"Faith and Fitness" 2018 Photo Property of Raphah Mama

It's been 4 years now since we had our first meeting, and I have been beyond blessed by living life with these precious sisters of mine. These ladies, along with a handful of other amazing women God has blessed me with, are not typical friends. They have walked with me through so many transitions, from welcoming my last baby, to buying my first house, to my first experiences with losing loved ones. They have prayed with me in my struggles with depression and anxiety and have learned when to listen, when to step in and help, and when to distract me with laughter. They know me well, and appreciate how God made me, and yet love me too much to let me stay "stuck" when they recognize that God wants more for me! I've been reminded of the blessings of friends a lot lately, and have felt so overcome with gratitude for the truly "uncommon" friendships God has placed into my life. As I've experienced the blessings these dear women bring to my days, I've wondered what exactly it takes to be an uncommon friend, a friend who goes above and beyond the typical call of friendship and is a walking, talking persona of the kind of love God has for us. Here are some of the traits I've recognized in some of my friends and hope to replicate to others myself.

Be There. One of the biggest traits of my uncommon friends is that they are there for me in ways that go far beyond what is expected or typical. I've had a friend take my kids super early in the morning so that I could take a family member to get a minor surgery done; another friend was willing to watch my sick daughter for me so that I wouldn't have to miss a special field trip outing with my son; and yet another friend offered to come to my child's doctor appointment with me as moral support because the medical tests were taking a toll on me emotionally. Each of these sweet women touched my heart in a big way and left me with the knowledge and security that I am not "in this alone" and have people I can turn to in any circumstance.

Stand Together. There is something very reassuring and affirming knowing you have people who are going to stand with you in difficulties. I know that each of these ladies wouldn't hesitate to defend me (one of them says she will "spartan kick" anyone who messes with her friends), and their loyalty has been proven time and again when I've faced outside attacks. Sometimes even just having someone literally stand with you can provide a boost of courage and reassurance. Recently I was feeling very flustered after a stressful time driving to meet some friends in the downtown area where I live (something that just brings up a lot of anxiety for me). We were all at a restaurant for lunch, and I was the last one to order. All of my friends had found tables and were waiting outside for me, but one of them came back in just to wait with me while I finished ordering. It was a simple gesture, but it meant so much to me after the high-tension day I'd had to know I had someone there with me and wasn't alone.

Do Life Together. Something that seems to really bind me and my closest friends together is simply "doing life" together. Swapping babysitting for doctor appointments, date nights, or errands; sharing clothes, dishes, and books; cleaning each other's houses, or running errands together...Even the mundane tasks of life become more bearable (and dare I say, fun?) when done with friends. There was one night recently that really proves this point. It was late in the evening at a friends' house and I knew I needed to do grocery shopping for the week at some point. I told my friend I felt overwhelmed by everything I needed to do, and she suggested that we go shopping together, right then. So she and another friend and I went on a late-night grocery shopping trip and had a blast just being silly and getting our errand done. It was just what my tired, overwhelmed heart needed to get something done while also spending time with friends (and doing a good deal of laughing, too).

Be Real (and Let Your Friends Be Real). I believe that we can't have genuine, lasting relationships if we aren't real with each other. I'm learning there is a balance to this, of course, and we must have healthy boundaries around what we share and with whom. Still, our friends can't help us (or really know us at all) if we don't share openly and honestly what is in our hearts. My friends have proven time and again that they are safe for me to be real with. I know that they will listen to me vent (and still love me when I'm done talking!), and they have become very good at knowing when to offer advice, when to pray, and when to just give a hug and listen.

Grow in Faith Together. The main purpose of the Faith and Fitness group my dear friend started has always been to help each other grow closer to God, and that is also a factor in my other close friendships. We recognize that we aren't just friends; we are sisters, daughters of the Heavenly Father, and we spur each other on in our faith and walk with God. This doesn't just mean sharing our Bible readings for the week or prayer requests; it means we call each other out if somebody sins, or provide reminders when someone is slipping into old, unhealthy patterns. Growing in faith together can mean some uncomfortable conversations, or tough honesty, but it's all done out of genuine love and care for each other, and it leads to closer friendships as well as drawing us closer to God.

Having real, genuine, out-of-the-ordinary friendships doesn't just happen; it takes purposeful action, commitment, and time to not only initiate a deeper-than-typical friendship, but also to maintain it. Like any relationship, friendship requires us to give of ourselves--to devote time, energy, and attention to those we would choose as our close friends. I can testify to the fact that it's more than worth it, though; and I think my "uncommon friends" would say the same. 

This post is dedicated to my sweet Faith and Fitness group in honor of our 4-year "friendsversary". I'm so thankful for each one of you. Thank you for sharing life with me these last 4 years and showing me what a blessing it is to have uncommon friends like you. Love you all to pieces!