Not Unnoticed

In one of my recent sessions with my counselor, we were discussing all of the work and growth God has accomplished in my life since I started counseling about a year ago. Our times together have become much happier and even more fun lately, more about celebrating what God has done and not quite so much about confronting unhealthy thinking and beliefs. Toward the end of the time, she looked at me and mused,
"I wonder, Mary. What would it do for you to have others come to you, people who have known you through this process, and tell you, 'Hey. You're different now. I just wanted you to know, I see that."
 To my surprise, I suddenly broke down in tears. I hadn't even thought about it, but having her say that made me realize what that would mean to my heart. The past year had been so amazing, getting to see God work in my life in ways He never had before, but it was also very challenging and painful at times. "Rehashing" painful memories and hurt; being confronted with wrong thoughts or beliefs that I swore up and down were "right"; pretty much needing to let go of an entire identity in order to gain this new one...all of these things led to amazing results, but were intensely hard to walk through. To have others recognize that, though, and just acknowledge the change God has done? Wow. What a gift that would be.

It was immediately after that session that I stopped by a friend's house because she said she had found something she wanted to give me. This dear lady had found one of my favorite coffee drinks at the store and bought it for me, and she also included a little card with a message...all about noticing the work I was doing and the changes God was making. Needless to say, I cried for the second time that day! I still have that card and I read it often to remind myself of what God has done and of the amazing support I have.

All of this made me realize the gift it is just for others to notice us. I know sometimes we can get the idea that it's somehow wrong to want to be noticed. True, we don't want to turn into self-absorbed "prima donnas", constantly seeking the spotlight and commendation from others, and our ultimate goal is always to make God known more than ourselves, but I don't think that means we don't still long for others to really see us and care enough to tell us so. I say this a lot, but it bears repeating: God made us relational people. He uses others to speak to us, correct us, encourage us...notice us; and He wants us to share those gifts with others. After thinking through all of this, here are some ways I came up with to help us notice others.

Call Out  Each Other's "Sparkle" The other day a dear friend of mine "tagged" me on an Instagram post. It was a photo of a card that simply said, "Your sparkle has not gone unnoticed." Guys, that made my whole day. What a beautiful way to put it: your "sparkle". I don't know about you, but I love the idea that I somehow sparkle. It denotes a certain kind of fun, happy beauty, and even hints at the idea that we are sharing Light with others somehow ("In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." ~Matthew 5:16) When my friend took time to call that out in me and let me know she saw it, it truly blessed my heart, and it caused me to walk through the rest of the day with so much joy (and yes, some sparkle too.) Take time to tell others the beauty and goodness that you see in them; I guarantee you it will make their day.

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Recognize Growth and Changes Made. Like my sweet friend did for me with that card, we can bless and spur one another on simply by recognizing growth and changes in each other. Think about the last time you tried to lose weight, or make some other change for the better. How much did it mean each time someone recognized the effort you were making and noticed the changes? For me, it makes me willing to keep working toward my goals, as hard as the process can be, simply because I know it's making a noticeable difference. Try to notice the efforts those around you are making in order to better themselves, and share with them the changes you see. You just might be the "wind in their sails" to keep them going.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)

Be Aware of Pain and Sadness. One of the hardest parts of dealing with anxiety and depression is how isolating it can feel. I don't want to be seen as a complainer, or bring others down, so I feel like I need to hide my negative emotions and "put on a happy face", or hide away until I can pull myself together. I think also that as Christians, we can fall into the thinking that we will somehow lose our testimony if we appear anything less than joyful, or at very least end up as a terrible example of the full and abundant life we are given in Christ. With all of that, I tend to try to hide when I am struggling with getting my negative emotions back under control, or at least attempt to minimize them. I wish I could express what it means, then, for someone to notice even small signs that I am struggling, and to simply check in. I have one friend who will just straight-up say, "You look forlorn. What's up?" if she notices I'm not as "bubbly" as usual. One of my sweet sisters-in-love is very aware and sensitive to how others are feeling, and she has a gift of knowing when I need an extra-long hug. Just knowing that people are aware that I'm struggling really "takes the edge off" when I am feeling down. If you notice someone not acting like they usually do, take time to check in. Sometimes they won't want to share, and that's ok; it still means so much to know people are aware and care.

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." (Proverbs 12:25)

I don't want to give the idea that we should seek others' attention or commendation before or above God's; our Heavenly Father is always the only One who can perfectly notice us, understand us, and encourage us. With that said, let's try to at least be reflections of His perfect love and care, and do what we can to make sure those He places in our path do not go unnoticed. 

Did You Think To Pray?

A few weeks ago my son came down with a terrible case of croup. Now, we've dealt with croup several times, but this time was different. This time all of our usual "tricks" didn't work, or were a very short-term fix; within an hour our boy was once again coughing and wheezing, and was beginning to seriously struggle to breathe.

After the third time being woken up by an "attack", we finally decided to pack him up and get him to the ER. As I loaded him into the car, though, he suddenly began to panic and sobbed out, "My chest hurts!" Of course, adding crying to croup is not a good mix, and his already labored breathing instantly worsened. This was probably one of the most helpless moments of my life. I knew I couldn't do anything to help him, and I began to wonder if I should just call an ambulance for him. 

~~~Read the rest of the story over at Raising Rices where I am honored to share how God used this scary situation to teach me more about prayer ~~~

Earning God's Love

This morning I read a passage of the Bible that I've probably read dozens of times, but today it hit me in a new way. Have you ever had that happen, where you read or see something you know well, but it hits you differently--stronger, fresher? That's what happened as I did my Bible reading today. I am reading in Titus, and part of today's section was chapter 3, verses 3-7. I want to try to share how it impacted me by breaking things down a bit.

Verse 3 "Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other..." 

Do you remember what you were like before you knew God? Or even who you can be when not living in continued submission to His Spirit? The things in this list probably cover quite a few of the ugly things we were capable of (and still are, if living according to our earthly natures). Foolish; disobedient; misled; slaves to what we want; envious; hating each other. Tell me we don't see a lot of those things today, right? Dwelling on those thoughts can be more than a little disheartening. That's why I love how Paul starts the next verse:

"But--When God our Savior revealed His kindness and love..." (verse 4)

"Oh thank you, Lord, for those 'but God' verses in Your Word. Thank you that it doesn't end at our sin and what we deserve and how awful things would be without you! Thank you that your kindness and love steps in to change the story."

Verse 5: "He saved us, not because of the righteous thing we had done, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit."

Oh Guys. Here's where the "waterworks" start for me. He saved us. And not because of us--not because of what we did, said, acted like, believed, tried to do, stopped doing, wanted to do. Not even our best actions or thoughts earned His saving love. He did it because of His mercy. That's it. Period. And what does "He saved us" mean? It means He took off every ugly, sinful thing we've done, said, acted like, believed, tried to do, or wanted to do. Everything, Guys. From the thing you are most ashamed of doing in your life, to the tiniest little struggle you still battle to this day. He took it off. He doesn't see it on you at all once you've accepted His salvation and grace. Instead, He sees the new person created through His Spirit living in you.

Verse 6 "He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior."

God doesn't just save us and then leave us to stumble along, striving to live life on our own. He gives us His Spirit--and not grudgingly or sparingly. He generously pours Him out upon us through Jesus. It's like God takes a gigantic bucket of His Spirit and dumps it all over us. We don't have to rely on ourselves--nor should we, since that's what got us into trouble in the first place. Who we are ourselves, our earthly nature, is everything that first verse listed off. Aren't you glad God gave us Someone who could enable us to live differently?

"Because of His grace, He made us right in His sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life." (verse 7)

Again we see the truth that it isn't because of what we do that we receive God's favor and love. It's because of His grace (which means we get what we don't deserve) that we are made "right" in His sight--perfect, sinless creations like He intended from the start. 

And it doesn't stop with this life, either. We have confidence that we will inherit eternal life. Things don't end here on earth, Guys. In fact, this is a tiny blip in the grand scheme of things. We have all of eternity to look forward to. This means that earth is as bad as it gets for us, whereas it's as good as it gets for those who haven't accepted God's gift of salvation. It also means that even the fearsome monster of Death loses its teeth and claws a bit; as painful as it is to face the temporary separation of losing a loved one (a pain I know all-too-well), we know it isn't forever, and as believers we will be reunited with our brothers and sisters in Christ once again. We will never, ever have to be apart from our fellow believers forever; we will always be reunited again. There is not a forever goodbye to any of our brothers or sisters in Christ; just a "see you later." 

I think my main takeaway from this passage today is just the simple reminder that I don't have to earn God's love. I know this is something that is covered pretty frequently--I personally have heard it quite a few times--but I still don't always live it out. I still have a tendency to believe I need to "be good" or I won't be acceptable to God, and the way I think and act often reflects that. My inner dialogue frequently includes worries about if I am measuring up: "Is this ok, God? Could I be doing better? Should I be feeling differently?" I even find that I start feeling anxious about things and people that bring me a lot of joy: "Is this becoming an idol, Lord? Is this relationship honoring?" It's great to be aware of our sinful tendencies and to try to live life well, but I don't think God ever intended us to become enslaved to worries about measuring up. Living in His grace means believing that I don't have to do anything at all to make God happy with me. Because I repented of my sins and accepted Christ's sacrifice, believing He took my place on that cross, God already sees me as perfect. I can't change that, regardless of if I have a good day or a bad day; rock this mama gig or fail and scream at my kids; show honor and respect to my husband or slip up and get snotty; choose to serve and love others or fall into the trap of being self-centered. God wants more for me than to live according to my sinful nature, and He gave me His Spirit to enable me to live well, but my failures don't change how He feels about me one bit. Oh, if I could just remember that and live in the freedom and knowledge of simply being loved by my Heavenly Father!

I've been a believer for almost my whole life, but I'm blown away by how God can make a familiar passage new and fresh, and how He can continually renew an appreciation and awe in what He has done for me. I hope each of you get a taste of that today, too, and live in the relief and confidence of being a new creation, saved by grace alone, free from the worry that you somehow have to earn God's love.

Uncommon Friends

A few years ago a precious lady who is now one of my closest friends met up with me and we talked about our mutual desire to have more authentic, close relationships. We were discouraged by the "surface level" friendships abounding in our Facebook "friends" world, and were yearning for something more. Rather than leaving it at a simple conversation, though, this dear friend of mine decided to do something about it. She started a group that would meet weekly to workout together and then share Bible reading and prayer requests, and with that, "Faith and Fitness" was born.

"Faith and Fitness" 2018 Photo Property of Raphah Mama

It's been 4 years now since we had our first meeting, and I have been beyond blessed by living life with these precious sisters of mine. These ladies, along with a handful of other amazing women God has blessed me with, are not typical friends. They have walked with me through so many transitions, from welcoming my last baby, to buying my first house, to my first experiences with losing loved ones. They have prayed with me in my struggles with depression and anxiety and have learned when to listen, when to step in and help, and when to distract me with laughter. They know me well, and appreciate how God made me, and yet love me too much to let me stay "stuck" when they recognize that God wants more for me! I've been reminded of the blessings of friends a lot lately, and have felt so overcome with gratitude for the truly "uncommon" friendships God has placed into my life. As I've experienced the blessings these dear women bring to my days, I've wondered what exactly it takes to be an uncommon friend, a friend who goes above and beyond the typical call of friendship and is a walking, talking persona of the kind of love God has for us. Here are some of the traits I've recognized in some of my friends and hope to replicate to others myself.

Be There. One of the biggest traits of my uncommon friends is that they are there for me in ways that go far beyond what is expected or typical. I've had a friend take my kids super early in the morning so that I could take a family member to get a minor surgery done; another friend was willing to watch my sick daughter for me so that I wouldn't have to miss a special field trip outing with my son; and yet another friend offered to come to my child's doctor appointment with me as moral support because the medical tests were taking a toll on me emotionally. Each of these sweet women touched my heart in a big way and left me with the knowledge and security that I am not "in this alone" and have people I can turn to in any circumstance.

Stand Together. There is something very reassuring and affirming knowing you have people who are going to stand with you in difficulties. I know that each of these ladies wouldn't hesitate to defend me (one of them says she will "spartan kick" anyone who messes with her friends), and their loyalty has been proven time and again when I've faced outside attacks. Sometimes even just having someone literally stand with you can provide a boost of courage and reassurance. Recently I was feeling very flustered after a stressful time driving to meet some friends in the downtown area where I live (something that just brings up a lot of anxiety for me). We were all at a restaurant for lunch, and I was the last one to order. All of my friends had found tables and were waiting outside for me, but one of them came back in just to wait with me while I finished ordering. It was a simple gesture, but it meant so much to me after the high-tension day I'd had to know I had someone there with me and wasn't alone.

Do Life Together. Something that seems to really bind me and my closest friends together is simply "doing life" together. Swapping babysitting for doctor appointments, date nights, or errands; sharing clothes, dishes, and books; cleaning each other's houses, or running errands together...Even the mundane tasks of life become more bearable (and dare I say, fun?) when done with friends. There was one night recently that really proves this point. It was late in the evening at a friends' house and I knew I needed to do grocery shopping for the week at some point. I told my friend I felt overwhelmed by everything I needed to do, and she suggested that we go shopping together, right then. So she and another friend and I went on a late-night grocery shopping trip and had a blast just being silly and getting our errand done. It was just what my tired, overwhelmed heart needed to get something done while also spending time with friends (and doing a good deal of laughing, too).

Be Real (and Let Your Friends Be Real). I believe that we can't have genuine, lasting relationships if we aren't real with each other. I'm learning there is a balance to this, of course, and we must have healthy boundaries around what we share and with whom. Still, our friends can't help us (or really know us at all) if we don't share openly and honestly what is in our hearts. My friends have proven time and again that they are safe for me to be real with. I know that they will listen to me vent (and still love me when I'm done talking!), and they have become very good at knowing when to offer advice, when to pray, and when to just give a hug and listen.

Grow in Faith Together. The main purpose of the Faith and Fitness group my dear friend started has always been to help each other grow closer to God, and that is also a factor in my other close friendships. We recognize that we aren't just friends; we are sisters, daughters of the Heavenly Father, and we spur each other on in our faith and walk with God. This doesn't just mean sharing our Bible readings for the week or prayer requests; it means we call each other out if somebody sins, or provide reminders when someone is slipping into old, unhealthy patterns. Growing in faith together can mean some uncomfortable conversations, or tough honesty, but it's all done out of genuine love and care for each other, and it leads to closer friendships as well as drawing us closer to God.

Having real, genuine, out-of-the-ordinary friendships doesn't just happen; it takes purposeful action, commitment, and time to not only initiate a deeper-than-typical friendship, but also to maintain it. Like any relationship, friendship requires us to give of ourselves--to devote time, energy, and attention to those we would choose as our close friends. I can testify to the fact that it's more than worth it, though; and I think my "uncommon friends" would say the same. 

This post is dedicated to my sweet Faith and Fitness group in honor of our 4-year "friendsversary". I'm so thankful for each one of you. Thank you for sharing life with me these last 4 years and showing me what a blessing it is to have uncommon friends like you. Love you all to pieces!

How to Be Happy

If you had seen me at this time last year, I would not have described myself as a happy person. There were some difficult circumstances I was going through at the time, and it had just been a tough year overall, but I also had a lot of beliefs and behaviors that were definitely not conducive to happiness. It’s only been through many months of gaining wisdom and insight through my counselor and putting her advice into practice (as well as countless hours of prayer and dependence on God) that I realized that truth, let go of those negative attitudes and actions, and was able to discover tangible ways to live a truly happy life. Head over to Raising Rices to read about what I’ve learned, and some of the changes I’ve made.

Fear Is a Liar

Fear, he is a liar

He will take your breath

Stop you in your steps

Fear, he is a liar

He will rob your rest

Steal your happiness

Cast your fear in the fire

'Cause fear he is a liar

~"Fear is a Liar" by Zach Williams

Have you ever stopped to think about the kind of impact fear has on your life? No matter how brave, calm, and collected you may be, all of us face fear at some point or another. In a lot of ways, it's just part of being human. Fear can be helpful, keeping us from doing things that could lead to injury or death (hence why having a child or toddler who is "fearless" is not always a great thing!) Sometimes, though, fear can take over in a way that does a great amount of damage if it isn't taken care of. Zach Williams song, "Fear is A Liar" does a terrific job of listing the consequences of letting Fear take over our thoughts, as well as reminding us how to defeat it.

Disclaimer:  I am not a medical or mental health professional, and what I write is not meant to be a substitute for a professional's advice or diagnosis. If you believe your struggle with fear goes beyond the norm and it is taking over your life, know that you are not alone, and please seek the help of a qualified therapist or psychologist to get on the road to healing.

1. Fear is a Liar

Just about everything Fear tells us is rooted in a lie. Think back on the last time you were afraid, and on the things Fear told you, and see if you can pinpoint the lies.

"You yelled at the kids again. You are such a terrible parent. You're going to ruin these kids, you know."

"You shouldn't go to that party. There are going to be so many people! There's no way they will like you. You'll make a fool of yourself."

"You are fighting with your husband so much because you aren't really compatible. You made the wrong choice. You should get out while you can."

"Don't let your son go on that boating trip! What if he gets hurt? You'll never be able to forgive yourself."

And on and on it goes. Fear will often insert a kernel of truth into the lies it tells us, making it hard to even recognize that what we are hearing is untrue at all, and before we know it we are believing things that are completely false and have the capability to do terrible damage.

2. Fear Will Take Your Breath

Fear can literally take your breath away through panic attacks, but I think beyond the physical act of breathing, Fear also takes our breath away metaphorically, diminishing the passion and energy we would otherwise have for life. It "knocks the wind from our sails", so to speak, leaving us drifting aimlessly, too worried and afraid of failure to try to live passionately or purposefully. 

3. Fear Will Stop You In Your Steps

If there is one thing that will stop you from acting on a plan, dream, or calling, it's Fear. Even this very blog took months to come to fruition because of Fear! Each of us has a calling from God, and unique gifts and dreams that He instills in us to enable us to impact the world for Him. It's so easy to let Fear overwhelm us with details ("but how would I even go about doing that?") or doubt ("there's no way I could do that, it's too hard/risky/crazy") that we freeze up and cease moving toward the beautiful plans God has for us.

4. Fear Will Rob Your Rest

The Biblical definition of rest involves more than the physical aspect. True, Fear can rob us of physical sleep, but it also takes away our mental and emotional rest. It steals our emotional peace; leaves our minds racing and unable to process or work through problems; and completely drains and depletes us in every way possible. God offers us rest--even calls us to rest--knowing that it is something we cannot live a full and happy life without, so losing this is another example of the damage Fear can do.

5. Fear Will Steal Your Happiness

Seeing what we've learned about fear's impact on us so far, it's no surprise that we can't have happiness while living in fear. Fear attacks us on a physical, emotional, and even spiritual level, so we can't have true, lasting enjoyment of life while allowing Fear to control us. It stops us from doing what we know is right; keeps us from fully trusting and enjoying others, building meaningful relationships; and turns our very view of life upside down, leaving us hopeless and empty. Fear can completely destroy us if we allow it to, and that's why I believe it is one of Satan's most-often used and most dangerous weapons. 

Obviously, we do not want to allow Fear to gain a foothold in our lives, but as fallen humans we all face seasons where Fear is more persistent and difficult to remove. What is the answer to these times? How do we destroy fear and get free from it's hold? 

The answer might surprise you. It isn't growing in bravery, or trying to ignore our anxieties. In fact, there really isn't anything we ourselves can really actively do to defeat Fear; our role is actually to receive something else in place of Fear. 

 Zach Williams's song contains a beautiful prayer that gives us insight into Fear's downfall:

 "Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears; Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel"

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..." 1 John 4:8. 

The way we defeat fear is to counteract it with love. We turn to God and ask Him to remind us of His perfect love and to set us free from Fear's terrible lies and destruction. We bathe our minds and hearts in God's Truth so that there is just no more room for Fear. 

When Fear comes around and tries to whisper awful lies, we turn to God and listen for His voice of love and compassion and grace. "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9

When Fear takes our breath and tries to rip the passion and zeal from our hearts, we ask God to remind us of His plans for us and of how He has equipped us for what He has called us to. “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV

When Fear causes us to freeze up, unsure of how to proceed in a situation or season, we seek God and ask for His direction. "When I am overwhelmed, You alone know the way I should turn." Psalm 142:3a NLT

When Fear robs our rest, leaving us depleted and desperate, we call out to God and ask Him to refresh us and give us the rest we need. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-29)

When Fear steals even our happiness and leaves us reeling in the throes of depression and grief, we cry out to our loving Heavenly Father, who keeps track of every tear we've ever shed (Psalm 56:8) and ask Him to restore us. "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." Psalm 94:19 NIV

Fear can be a formidable foe, and it can do a lot of damage if we allow it to run rampant in our lives. It can and will be cast down and defeated though, if we turn to our compassionate Maker and allow Him to replace our fear with His perfect love. So next time Fear comes around, cast it down and seek God so that His love is all you feel. 

"As Iron Sharpens Iron": Different Types of Friends and How God Uses Each One

I have been blessed throughout my life with many sweet friendships, and have noticed through the years that there seem to be a few different "kinds" of friends, and different blessings and growth that each one provides. I believe that friendship is something that God designed and planned not only to bring joy and fun to our lives, but also to help us grow and mature into the people He designed us to be. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." God gave us all kinds of relationships and fellowship in order to "sharpen" us and help us to grow, and I think that He has also designed each of us to bring certain gifts and abilities to our friendships. Read about these different kinds of friends at one of my dear friends' blog, where I am excited to be able to share as a guest writer today.